


13th Doctor X (Y/n) Novella 1

by MissWho77



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: 13th Doctor - Freeform, Avello, F/F, Female Doctor (Doctor Who), Gen, Jenny Doctor, JodieWhittaker, LGBTQIA+, Multi, Other, TARDIS - Freeform, Thirteenth Doctor Era, Whovian (Doctor Who), thasmin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 03:35:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 31,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29271837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissWho77/pseuds/MissWho77
Summary: Story synopsis: Traumatised by the loss of a loved one, the Doctor takes you away to show you the galaxy, and prove to you that life is worth living.This story is set after Revolution of the Daleks, when Graham and Ryan have left.These are your general trigger warnings for throughout the whole story, but at the beginning of each chapter is a more specific description. Please do not read if you think this may be upsetting for you in any way, take care my loves!//TW// suicide, abuse/violence, self injury, mental illness, torture.Thanks again for checking out my novella! Please enjoy and feel free to leave any comments or criticism (everything helps) as I have many more ideas lined up for another novella or two...I do not own any of these characters, they belong to the BBC, I choose to use them for creative and entertainment purposes only!Without further ado, let's get a shift on!





	1. Told

TW: Sexual Assault/Abuse

You always try your hardest to remain quiet in your room, but the tears running down her cheeks like wading rivers result in the occasional sniffle. 

You cling to your little sister in a pathetic attempt to hold her together when your own world fell apart a long time ago now. She grunts and sits up against you on your shared double bed, and it breaks what is left of your heart to see the overwhelming sadness in her eyes. 

Your own eyes should be closed, it's 3:15am but Abigail's night terrors leave rest for no one. You don't dare tell Jay. You can only imagine what he would do to "toughen" Abi up after this. 

The thought makes you grip her tighter.

"I'm sorry" she whispers 

"No apology needed" you reply, giving her a gentle squeeze. 

"I should be quiet like you, this will only make him hate me more" she sighs.

"No no baby, you are doing perfectly. And mum would be so proud of you for trying."

Silence of course. Abi doesn't allow herself to talk about mum, you believe it is because she blames herself for what happened, which is of course ridiculous. 

If anyone were to blame, it would be you.

At that moment you hear the stairs creak and you both tense. He shouldn't be awake, he should have long since shuffled off to bed and collapsed from the drink. He is talking and your heart falters, but he's not talking to you; apparently he's on the phone. You can't quite make out what is going on, but with Jay, it can not be anything good.

At that moment the hall light snaps on, and you jump but contain yourself, heart thumping wildly. You know what is happening and sure enough your door swings into your bedroom and you instantly catch a whiff of stale drink and cannabis, perhaps his worst combination. 

You tell yourself to breathe, and prepare mentally to leave your mind, refusing to succumb to the panic. You will protect Abi if nothing else. She knows to cover her ears to block out the sound of his entertainment.

"Up" he grunts.

You don't hesitate.

"Pack a bag, you leave in 15 minutes sharp" he closes the door behind him as you stare in bewilderment. 

Abi slips her hand into yours and you squeeze it tightly.

"Where are we going?" she whispers earnestly.

You simply shake your head and begin to pack up your blue duffle bag, sliding Abi's red one from under the bed too.

"Just do what he says" you say in a low tone. with Jay, you don't ask questions, you just do. In your experience, there is less blood involved this way.

You pack whatever feels familiar to your fingertips in the dark, and you expect Abi is doing the same. Fifteen minutes have passed and you leave the room. You don't keep Jay waiting.

Sitting on the sofa with a fag in his hand, eyes bleary from drink, is not an unusual scene. He rises with another grunt and stares at you both with the usual resentment. You control your features, keeping them carefully blank. Abi is of course shaking like a leaf. She does that whenever he makes eye contact with her.

He crosses the room in two strides and leers over you, yellow teeth showing his pleasure about something you really don't want to find out. He grins, blowing stale breath over your face, and slowly and deliberately stubs out his cigarette on your collar. You refuse to wince even when you feel the burn through your top eating at your skin. He is visibly disappointed by your reaction.

"Downstairs there will be a taxi waiting for you" he breathes over your face, and you fight the urge to hold your nose. You shiver as he runs his hand through your hair, gripping it suddenly at the base of your neck, forcing you to look into his muddy eyes "get in and do as you're told-got it sweetheart?" He urges, pulling your hair. 

You don't reply. He doesn't usually like an answer back. Wrong decision.

"Are you deaf or just (r/slur)"he whispers  
"I said GOT IT SWEETHEART?!" He bellows suddenly tugging your hair as you flinch, 

"YES yes I've got it" you whimper, your head throbbing, then realise too late your should never have yelled. 

His eyes widen in fury and his lip quivers, spittle gathering at the corners. He raises his hand that isn't holding your hair and strikes you on the chest, then the face then the stomach. Pain rolls off you like hot steam on cold glass and yet you do not fall for he is keeping you upright by your hair. Abi may have screamed, you are reeling too much to notice. 

He drops you and she runs to your side, where you lay gasping, but fresh fear rolls off you. This isn't Over yet. Why did Abi have to scream? You sense the three blows she receives, and curse that you cannot defend her like usual. She drops to your side, sobbing within her blonde hair, feral sound that tug at your heart strings, until she falls silent.

But there is another noise registering, a belt buckle being undone, and the sound of jeans dropping, and so, with your eyes squeezed shut as he approaches you, you hope for her sake that she is unconscious.

* * *

You open your eyes but do not move, mentally registering the severity of your injuries. You shift your legs and register an all too familiar ache that makes you retch drily. You scoot into a kneeling position, and gently prod all the sites of impact, but conclude nothing is broken. 

You look over at Abi and are surprised that her eyes are open. They are staring straight ahead, almost like she's.... you gasp but no, she is definitely breathing, chest rising and falling. The pain of breathing in sharply irritates your ribs, but it is bearable. You've had worse. Abi sits up and you watch as her eyes brim with tears at the sight of you. 

Ah. You must look as shit as you feel then.

"Where does it hurt?" You whisper as she winces.

"Stomach" she gasps and you begin the routine inspection, avoiding her eye contact. If you could see the burned out fire in her eyes, you may just lie down and be unable to get up. 

Instead you drag yourself to your feet and walk in a small circle. You ignore the bottom half of your body. Your mind is apparently doing the same thing, for the pain is distant and detached, like it happened to someone else.

You nearly jump out of your skin when a car honks outside, and you realise that words happened before he... well, that must be the taxi. 

You drag Abi to her feet and she stumbles in the half lights that Jay has had the consideration to leave on for you. You don't care where that taxi is taking you, far away from here is plenty good enough for you. And so you close the door quietly behind you. Not that there is any need, he always sleeps for hours after this form of exercise, and make your way down your apartment corridor and to the stairs. Safer than the lift because you can control your speed. 

It is quiet, which Is only to be expected as it is the early hours, but the silence is eery, and had you had the option, you would have turned back. You reach the taxi and tap uncertainly on the window

"Miss Abi and Miss (y/n)" he monotones.

You don't reply and get in the back, not letting Abi out of your sight. You weren't stupid, you knew it wasn't a good idea to get in the back of a random taxi in the middle of the night sent by your abuser, but to be quite honest, it was this or go home. Home having becoming a dirty word. You had no options and even less money. So yes, you climbed in after Abi and allowed this taxi to take you wherever he wanted.


	2. Controlled

You travel until the sun comes up, Abi weeping silently onto your shoulder for the larger proportion of the journey. Few words are exchanged, and your driver barely looks backs despite your hushed and concerning words of comfort. 

You sit in silence and do an awful lot of thinking and planning. You are too exhausted to create a rational explanation but you cannot sleep, to close your eyes would be giving in, besides, you needed to stay awake for Abi.

After maybe three hours you pull up next to what looks like an enormous disused factory, in the middle of literal no where. You're not even sure that you are still in Sheffield. Doesn't matter. 

The car grinds to Halt and you shift Abi's weight to wake her. She opens her eyes in one swift movement, surveying the ugly concrete and metal building, until her eyes widen further. You look out the left window as your driver clears his throat. 

Taking the hint. You exit onto crunchy gravel, a definite bite to the early autumn air, still searching for what has caught your sisters' attention. The answer is a woman in a sharp navy suit and heavy binder under her arm. She smiles, showing too many teeth.

"Abi (l/n) and (y/n) (l/n)? Ages 13 and 17? Sent from 127 cooperfeild estate Sheffield?" She states, it's not really a question. "here for teens volunteer reset programme?" You get the feeling she isn't checking.

"Yes" you reply, then, "what is this programme?" You rush out, unable to last much longer without answers.

She looks you up and down and sighs, apparently not bothering to answer, it's clear you're not worth the effort.

"Follow me". You do as you are told, leaving your bags in the trunk of the taxi.

You are lead round the back of the building to an inconsequential administration entrance with red seats and a potted plant in the corner. You sit, Abi tucking in close beside you while the suited woman says something that you don't catch to the younger woman at the desk. 

She has warm brown eyes and longer hair, with a caring expression, she glances at you so quickly you almost miss the wink she sends in your direction. 

You don't react, not wanting to create suspicion for her. She rises and slips out a back door off to the right, and for a moment you feel safe.

That is when six men burst through those very doors and head straight for you. Abi screams and is dragged from your side roughly, a gag placed and a bag swiftly put over her head, this is the last thing you see before the same happens to you, and you are picked up by each elbow and hauled forward. You instantly panic, men touching you never ended well. 

Your heart rate thrums in your ears too loudly to think, and you are hyper aware of the three sets of hands pinning you down from every direction it seems. 

Through the panic You sense freshly polished floors beneath your feet and try to calm down long enough to get a sense of where you were headed. You struggle some more and receive a kick to the back of your knee, instantly buckling you. 

You trip but are once again hailed upright by your captors, who don't seem to have broken a sweat. 

Your heart pounds a desperate crescendo and your mouth feels dry. You bite the inside of your cheek and taste the warm metallic tang of blood. Real then. 

You sense Abi and her captors have left you, and panic truly sets in, you struggle and scream until you are thrown into a room and hear a door clang shut behind you. Your hands are surprisingly free, so you pull away the bag and gag, and find yourself kneeling in a small yellow tinged box room containing what resembles a pristine dentists chair. There is another woman stood in the corner, but not the friendly one from before. No, this woman is heavy set under her white coat, with a brunette bun resting on her wide neck. 

She strides forward and grabs you, and you realise you have no chance of fighting her off, she is far too strong. Instead you scream for Abi, hoping whenever she is, this isn't happening to her too.

"Oh would you pack it in" the woman growls, lifting you clean off the ground and into the chair, which, you realise too late, has restraints on the arms and legs. You try again to struggle but she is working swiftly to tie you down. 

Incapacitated, you lose it completely, when from the next room you hear the blood curdling scream of your sister as something cold touches your forehead. 

You prepare to let the panic overwhelm you as usual, But for some reason, you are silent and not struggling, in fact you are frozen. Why aren't you struggling? Why are you silent? You feel dread and adrenaline course through you, but still, you cannot move.

That's when you look up and take in the horrifying machine above you, all needles and scalpels and drills in hospital whites. Abi's screams shut off abruptly, and you find yourself floating as one arm of the machine gently caresses your forehead. You sigh, It isn't hurting you. In fact, you are having no reaction to the cold metal being placed over the right side of your face and ear.

Vaguely you hear the woman talk "Subject B1 is under, awaiting further instruction"

You feel pressure on your forehead and sensation of floating. You are somewhat aware that your restraints are being undone.

Stand.  
It's not the woman talking it's someone in your head, so why aren't you panicking, and why are you obeying?  
Leave the room. You do so.  
Take a right hand turn. Yes.  
Continue into chamber 5. You were Heading that way now, and register a door with a number on it.  
Commence cyber conversion. You reach out for the handle, and swing it open toward you.

* * *

You march dreamily into what registers as a huge factory space, and barely comprehend the rows of hundreds of people with metal frames on the sides of the faces like your own, each blinking a blue light from the temple area.

Take your place. Your thoughts are not your own, you obey without question, your mind empty of thought

Step forward. You do so in a trance, you are heading for more rooms, but you don't even notice the shrieks of human pain emanating from them. Forward again, there are five people in front of you, it will be your turn soon. 

Four people. You hear metal machinery and steam pipes whistling.

Three. Faint orange light is coming from under the doors.

Two. Perhaps you ought to blink soon.

One. There Is only one person in front of you. You see the back of her head, blonde and curly and completely stationery. Abigail.

She steps forward into a chamber and the door closes on her.   
You don't react.  
Not until that scream pierces the room and ricochets through your skull, sparking something in your mind that slaps you back into reality.


	3. Woman

You don't know how you do it. It's like being pulled from deep water, gasping as pressure changes inside your skull and you are struck with an almighty headache. 

But something in your head is screaming and fighting against the voice, and you seem to be winning. 

Your eyes water, and you find you feet turning your body in the opposite direction and pulling you forward of their own accord, past the waiting lines of people behind you and back out through the door you came in. 

You are sent reeling to the ground as the metal headset vibrates and growls, and you cover your ears against it. You hear an audible crack and sense it loosen slightly. Abruptly it stops and you find yourself panting on the polished floor, cold sweat drenching your neck and palms, shaking uncontrollably. 

You barely have time to process all this however when you catch a strangled cry emanating from the room you started in. You stumble to your feet and take off. Something about the scream, it was fearful and too innocent.

"No stop it! Stop it! I work for you, Im one of you, no please don't do this!" It's a young woman, Sheffield accent with a hint of something more foreign, and you believe she is the same woman who winked at you earlier. She screams again, and you catch more, as your feet pound along the squeaky linoleum towards the raucous.

"DOCTOR!" She cries "Doctor help me!" You almost halt, believing she is calling for the brutal woman in the first room, but something about the way she calls the name changes your mind, like she is calling for a saviour or an angel. 

You slide to a stop and burst through the door. Where this confidence came from you have no idea, but the scene in front of you is the young terrified woman and two guards pinning her down, attempting to thrust her onto the dentist-like chair. 

Instinctively you seize a restraint and wrap it in one movement around the mans wrist; he is pulled towards the bed and off the woman. She turns with an arm free now and thumps the other man in the neck before she knees him in the groin. So she's had training, that was clear. 

She is bleeding from her shoulder and her clothes are ripped, but the restrained man is pulling at the straps with apparent success. 

Without thinking of anything but the moment, not Abi, not Jay, not the pain in your head or your gasping lungs or this Doctor person, you grab her wrist and pull her towards you.

"Run"

You take off down the corridor towards the exit, getting closer and closer-

A woman suddenly jumps out from a room to your left and sends you sprawling to the floor with the other woman in tow. You seemed to have obtained an endless amount of bruises in the last couple of hours alone. You roll over gasping again to check on your accomplice, and find yourself eye to eye with the hazel eyes of the woman who sent you flying in the first place, she looks over at you, apparently very puzzled, but with a childlike hint of charisma.

"Ouch" she says almost playfully, then spots you 

"And you are?" She asks politely as though you had met in any normal situation other than this one. 

"(Y/n)" you reply, too stunned to come up with a false name as usual when asked. The woman breaks into a wide smile, blonde hair bobbing, lilac long coat draped around her, slightly charred in places. A frown takes over as she inspects the other woman.

"Yaz what happened" she says, now forcibly calm. So they knew each other, so this must be-

"They know you're here" says Yaz as the blonde woman helps her to her feet "they caught me trying to break in and tried to turn me too, that's when (y/n) here stepped in" both women look at you as you stand a little self consciously.

"Well thank you (y/n) for helping out" she says brightly as though you had held a door open for her, then she frowns seriously, and begins talking at immense speed.

"So they realised I'm here and that I'm going to stop them, which is why they've gone ahead with stage two, but it's not ready yet... so they're temporarily muting the brain circuits instead of fully upgrading to ensure they have some guaranteed cyber men by the end... still controlling but how? Neurotransmitters? Nerve pulses or maybe an interruption of brain waves? No I'm missing something, oh think Doctor think, you're supposed to be good at that part, actually you're not bad at lots of things, poetry, art, ice cream making... stop, right, what am I missing... what am I-oh" 

You are still trying to comprehend what she has just said when you realise she is staring at you, or more specifically, your metal headpiece.

"How did you get out? They're inescapable, believe me I know, but you're functioning! What happened, what's different about you?" She whips out a metal bleeping device and begins to scan you with a yellow light. 

You flinch and take a step back, but the other woman-Yaz-grabs your hand and squeezes it in comfort. 

"Of course" she whispers, ceasing the scanning of your face "emotion, always emotion... but still, you shouldn't just be able to break free... something must have already been wrong with your brain to be able to resist..." you gulp and feel bile rise in your throat, and you gag as you realise what is still happening while you are stood here talking. 

"Please... Abigail is in there" you stutter, which snaps both their attention.

"Right I'm on it, (y/n), whatever is different with your brain, it saved you. Come with me." She grabs your other hand and takes off down the corridor, pulling you through doors and past more whistling pipes and machinery until you reach what is clearly a control room. 

The Doctor proceeds to type at astronomical speeds on a keyboard, while Yaz stands guard at the door. 

You mind wanders desperately as screens pop up all around, until a shout from Yaz gets your attention.

"Doctor they're coming!" She calls urgently. You glance at The Doctor who is frowning in concentration, until her head snaps up at you.

"It's not working, I thought it would work... I'm going to have to do it... I'm sorry (y/n), I don't want to have to ask but I have to..." she looks extremely troubled and you hold your breath.

"I need emotion. The strongest human emotion you can come up with. Please (y/n)-raw emotion, I need you to picture Abigail, and what you are feeling right now. It could just save all 700 people down there, I'm sorry but I can't do it because I'm not human." 

You recognise the plead in her eyes and brush aside the non human comment. So you breathe and block out the sounds of-marching metal? And as The Doctor clips metal wires to your broken head piece, you allow your mind to go to Abigail, three floors below you, alone and terrified, exactly where you so callously left her. 

The thought brings tears to your eyes that roll steadily down your cheeks, and you feel your heart physically ache. She was still down there, you could see the memory clearer now, of her blank face stepping into that brutal chamber. The tears begin to fall thick and fast as you realise you are probably too late. 

With that , your headpiece begins to glow and crack, you can see it through your eyelids, until it peels off completely and crashes to the floor. 

You tentatively open your eyes to find a smiling Doctor embracing you and whispering "you did it (y/n), you saved them!" then pulling away to presumably check on Yaz. You check the camera screens, and witness everyone from that main factory floor blinking in surprise at their surroundings. Yes, you had done it, all three of you, but especially this mysterious Doctor. 

You could save Abi.

That's when you feel the first set of explosions.


	4. Left

You stumble and trip, a chain of explosions is occurring underfoot, right where the factory floor is. 

You gulp and turn, mind ready to fly down those stairs and get Abi out of here. You meet The Doctors' horrified expression, and watch as she scans the screens and floor with the yellow bleeping device.

"No no no they can't!" She says in a panicked voice. "Stupid Doctor they detected you, they're all useless now-should've seen this coming..." she mutters in a low voice, deep frown lines appearing between her eyes.

It is then that you turn to take off and leave The Doctor to sort whatever this is out, but as you whip round you feel a strong arm seize your wrist, and you yelp in surprise. You spin and see The Doctor gripping you strongly with a pained expression.

"Let me go Abi's down there! She'll be terrified-let go!" You scream at the blonde woman.  
Her face is riddled with sorrow.

"I'm sorry (y/n) we need to get out of here" as she says it she starts to drag you to the door and away from the stairs leading to the factory floor, the very ground shaking, dust rising and clouding your vision,

"No please Abi! ABI!" You shriek, trying to fight off the impossibly strong woman, but she adjusts her grip and breaks into a run, you unable to turn. 

"Please (y/n) we have to go now, I'll save her, I promise, just come with me"

An explosion from the right wall almost sends you to the ground, but The Doctor pulls you upright with hurried reassurances and you commence, tears flowing freely down your face at the thought of your sister floors beneath you, terrified and in pain. 

You burst through a set of double doors onto a metal balcony, and The Doctor begins to scale her way down a ladder, strong and sure. 

You follow, Landing roughly at the bottom. All your strength seems to have left your body, and as The Doctor drags you further from the building, you can feel the entire structure shaking. You begin to hyperventilate, breathing fresh air but unable to take any in. 

Abi is in there. Your sister, the only family you had left that you truly loved, whom you always swore to protect at all costs, from anyone and anything that tried to hurt her. You couldn't lose her now, not after losing-

A final deafening boom sends you and The Doctor sprawling to the floor as rolls of heat emanate toward you, but you keep the building in your eye-line. Or what's left, for you can now see the entire structure folding in on itself, condemning everyone, including your sister, to a dark and burning grave.

You stare helplessly at the burning mound of metal and concrete, debris still flying in your direction as aftermath, but you don't react. You are freezing and they are burning. You check the vague memory of when you were in there. 

Over 700 people. 

You aren't really aware of The Doctor, breathing heavily and still gripping your arm but the pressure feels nice. You feel that if she were to let go, you may float up and never come back. 

You shift from kneeling to standing, unsteady on your feet, taking a tentative step towards the building. 

The Doctor still holds your arm and seems to sense you can no longer bear your own weight as you lean backwards into her.

"We-" your throat is closed up and raw from the smoke "we have to go back in there, Abi is still there" you look round at the blonde who doesn't even shake her head. Her expression says it all.

"She hates the dark" you whisper before collapsing backwards into The Doctor who lowers you gently to the ground and holds you in her strong arms. Yaz appears from behind you both and you feel The Doctor relax slightly.

"Call Jack and have him sort it out, he knows what to do, he must destroy all conversion chambers and shut down their communication lines..." she continues to Yaz who is speaking into a cheap flip phone, but never loosens her hold on you. 

The smoking remnants cloud your vision, and you watch the shapes as they form in the smoke in flame. 

Soon you hear sirens wailing in the distance, and The Doctor pulls you gently to your feet, where you sway unsteadily.

"(Y/n) I'm sorry but we can't be here, we have to go" you stare blankly, not processing the words properly. 

"I can't leave her" you say, staring at The Doctor as though she were mad.

"(y/n) I'm so sorry we couldn't save her. I... I couldn't save her" she whispers, hands on your shoulders. You shake your head, flinching at the restraining touch. She lets go and her arms fall to the side, staring hopelessly at the floor. 

"It's ok Doctor, really you tried to save them all" Yaz says from somewhere on your left. "But you're right, we need to leave, now. We can't just leave her" she adds on to The Doctor who looks at you helplessly. 

You look up and see actual tanks rolling in, as well as the police, fire brigade and cars with blacked out windows.

"Doctor!?" Someone calls, and The Doctor snaps her head up in alarm. She turns, Seizing your arm and pulling you at a run away from the building, which is probably a good thing, for if you had to stare at it for one more second you may just lose it completely and go in after Abi yourself. 

She drags you round the back of the building, halting outside what you register as a blue box with yellow windows and a sign above saying "police public call box". The Doctor frantically unlocks the door, which swings inwards with a creak, Yaz following suit.

"Hey!" Someone calls at you from behind, and with that, you jump into the impossibly small box against your better judgement.


	5. Tardis

You've been in the Tardis for a couple of hours now, and yet your brain is too full of grief to comprehend the insanity of it. 

Yaz has long since gone off to bed, and The Doctor is fiddling with controls, the machine making soft thrumming and beating noises that lull you into a waking sleep. 

You sit with your feet hanging off the edge, gazing down at your planet, the place you almost never wanted to see again. The place where, somehow just this morning, your sister died, alone and scared.

A single tear rolls down your cheek, which you brush away absentmindedly. You hear a pause in the regular typing and footsteps around the console, and sense the woman approach you from behind. You tense, and she whispers "easy" before lowering herself next to you. You fail to feel any proper fear of her though. 

You both stare off into the universe before you open your mouth to speak.

"My sister died today" you say, voice unrecognisable.

"I know" The Doctor replies with a sigh "I'm sorry I couldn't save her (y/n)"

"It wasn't your fault" you say, and you mean it. You should have got her out of there when you first woke from the trance. Instead you left her alone. It was all you fault.

You gasp as this realisation hits you and The Doctor glances at you in alarm, placing her hand on yours while you weep.

"Do you think... she... did she... was she in any pain...?" You stutter, sniffling.

"No" The Doctor confirms, squeezing your hand. "Her mind was asleep, she simply wouldn't have woken up".

Impossibly, you feel worse.

"I need to ask you" you look up at The Doctor, who looks carefully complacent. "How did you escape, I know you saw your sister, but it shouldn't have been enough to break you out of the cyber drone state, the technology should not have permitted it" she looks at you wonderingly, face softening when she realises you have little clue what she is on about, her alien hazel eyes burning sympathetically into yours.

"Who are you?" You whisper, staring back down at Earth.

"I'm The Doctor" she replies 

"Doctor who?" You ask and she smiles but doesn't answer.

"You're not human" you try. It isn't a question. 

"No, I'm a Time Lord from a planet called Gallifrey in the constellation of Kasterborous" she says with a hint of a smile.

You can't explain how or why, but you believe her.

Her blonde hair ruffles in the breeze of the air bubble surrounding the Tardis, and you look pointedly at the Tardis, which The Doctor has not yet explained fully.

"It's called a Tardis, Time And Relative Dimensions In Space, it travels through space and time, any where and anywhen" she states understandingly.

You sigh. This is too much, she's an alien in an alien space ship and you are currently floating above your home planet. You are bruised and sore, and choking mentally on the grief of the day. 700 lives lost, and you would have traded any of them to still have your sister here with you.

"How old are you (y/n)?" Asks the woman suddenly.

"17" you reply absently 

"But you're a minor, too young to volunteer?" She quizzes. You look at her a little confused "so how did you end up there?" 

"Oh" it seems inconsequential compared to what else has happened today but you answer "my mums' boyfriend put us in a taxi early this morning".

No reply, you glance up and see the frown lines have re-appeared, but you don't want to talk about this. 

You yawn and The Doctor jumps to her feet, the atmosphere lifting and making you start.

"I'm sorry (y/n) I haven't shown you where you are sleeping! Come on" she bounces with a charismatic smile.

You follow without question; sleeping would be nice. 

She leads you down a corridor off the console room and round a corner to a door on the left. She waits patiently for you to catch up, bobbing on the balls of her feet, hands clasped in front of her.

She opens the door for you, and you gaze into a huge room, in varying shades of pastel blue and lilac. Perfect Tardis colours. Your mouth falls open at the sight of the huge oak bed, a four poster with matching pastel blue bedsheets and pillows as well as smaller cushions. Grey fluffy blankets line the end of the bed, and net curtains fall from the oak posters. A door off to the right is open, and you understand the room is en-suite. You look back round at The Doctor in amazement but can only stutter one thing.

"I don't have any stuff with me."

She laughs, a cute sound that's complements her smile.

"It's ok, The Tardis wardrobe should have something in you size" indicating the large oak wardrobe in the opposite corner of the room. 

"I'll wake you tomorrow and we can decide what to do from there, sleep well (y/n) and call me or the Tardis if you need anything" she exits with a wink and leaves you standing alone. 

You shiver, but instantly feel the floor heat underneath your feet. She did say ask the Tardis, and apparently it was listening. The thought comforts you.

You wander to the wardrobe and open it to find a generous selection of night and day wear as well as dresses, jackets and shoes lining the bottom. 

You choose simple sporty shorts and a plain t shirt, and head to the bathroom. It is gloriously huge, and you notice a line of toiletries waiting on a shelf above the white sink. You brush your teeth and run your fingers through you hair, braiding it into a simple plait down your back. The light turns off as you leave the bathroom, so maybe it has sensors? You are honestly too tired to think too much of it. 

You stand staring at the bed for a while, before stripping it and making a duvet and pillow nest on the floor in the final corner. You've never slept in a double bed without your sister, and you weren't about to start now. 

You close your eyes and the lights dim to faint golden glow, perfect sleep lighting. You would see anyone approaching you. You settle down and wish for sleep as the thoughts of the day begin to plague your bruised mind.


	6. Graves

TW: overdose

You wake to gentle knocking on your door and someone talking in soft tones, you arch your back and reach for Abi to see if she's awake, but she's silent, probably still sleeping. 

You reach further but can't find her, opening your eyes only to remember you are not in a bed, you are not at home, and Abi is not here. 

You gulp and feel bile rise in your throat and race blindly to the bathroom that you remember is nearby, coughing and retching, but nothing comes up, of course, you haven't eaten for over 24 hours. 

You sigh and sink to the cold floor, the cool tiled surface reviving you slightly and cooling your sweaty forehead.

"... so we'll meet in the console room in half an hour (y/n)? Yes? Is that alright?" It's Yaz and she sounds concerned; you can't have been very quiet.

You grunt out an affirmative response which Yaz catches, and you know she has left. You want to cry but you are too exhausted. You are tired, and need something to help you. 

You clear your eyes and sit up. 

Yesterday you spotted a white cupboard below the sink, and you think you may know what's in there. 

You scoot forward and crawl over to the cupboard, swinging it open. Lines of different medicines in white boxes and capsules stare back at you. You read the labels carefully and decide what you need is painkillers. You take a couple. And wait. Your heart still aches. A couple more. A few more. Maybe the rest of this box, and a couple of those. 

Your mind is detached as you through down pill after pill until to lay back on the floor, shaking and certainly not feeling any better. 

You kick the cupboard closed and leave the bathroom, Fear setting in. You weren't counting. You brush this aside and pick out the first clothes your hands touch. A grey clingy top and black corduroy dungarees, and leave the room, trying to remember which way you came from last night. You sway a little but shake your head and regain your focus; this wasn't happening.

You hear the two women talking, and abruptly cut off when they see you. You imagine you don't look great. Hopefully they just put it down to grief.

"How do you feel (y/n)?" Asks The Doctor softly.

"Fine" you say, squinting at the bright lights. 

A fine mess would be more accurate.

"I thought you might like to say goodbye today" she says carefully, watching for your reaction. "I found her grave (y/n). One year into the future. I believe... she was placed next to your mother" she finishes gently.

You nod slowly, head to fuzzy to form a sentence.

The Doctor smiles gently and pulls a lever, and with a great sucking noise, the golden lights begin to glow. 

You wish you weren't so out of it that you could appreciate travelling for the last time, as it was becoming apparent this was it. The lack of sensation and pounding heart told you so. 

The Tardis stops whirring and you all stumble as she lands. You glance at the doors, not sure you are ready for what waits outside.

In your eyeline The Doctor approaches and takes your hand.

"Together" she says and lets you lead the way out.

You emerge onto lush grass, and instantly interpret the silence around you. Graveyard. You stand in the late summer sun, and watches as The Doctor closes the door behind her, leaving Yaz behind. You are grateful for the lack of audience.

You don't know where to start, but the blonde leads you onward through the lines of broken stone, clear marble and rotting wood. You don't know what you are looking for, they all look the same.

"I think... just about...here" says The Doctor and you stop in front of an unremarkable stone grave, barely engraved, and devoid of life. You read the date but make no comment. No message, no declarance or love or anything. 

Tears well up and you feel the strength leave your knees, but The Doctor catches you in her warm arms and lowers you gently to her side, holding you tightly as the remainder of your world ceases in front of your eyes. 

No message. You didn't write a message? This was the future, so you must have had a say in the gravestone, so why didn't future you write a message? 

It burns and you cough, heart racing and you know what this means. You took more than you meant to this morning and it's fast catching up to you. You don't even care. Her grave has no message.

Your muscles relax and you lean further into The Doctor for support, she understands and hold you, arms wrapped around your shoulders, her face twisted in pain for your loss. She was a good woman, and you regretted that you wouldn't have more time with her.

You sigh and relax, falling forward slightly and eyes closing. You are a nice temperature, and this is as good a place as any to die, Next to your mother and sister. 

You sense rather than feel yourself collapse until you are curled into a ball and barely register what The Doctor is saying as she begins to panic from somewhere far away. 

"(Y/n)? Are you ok? What happened? What's wrong? (Y/n) can you hear me??!" You feel her abnormally warm fingers brush against your neck searching for a pulse and feel her panic as she finds it weak. 

She inhales sharply."Oh my god no (y/n) what have you done?! Talk to me can you hear me?! (Y/N)!" She screams but you can't hear properly, you are so weak you can't respond, but you hope she leaves you here to die. 

Of course she doesn't, she hoists you into her arms in one swift movement, but gravity isn't quite working for you as you feel like you are floating again. You are aware of her breathing as she runs, but you feel with relief, that she is almost definitely too late.


	7. Here

You slowly open your eyes, adjusting to the bright lights above your head. 

You test your senses and find you are lying in a warm bed with white sheets and pillows supporting your head. You feel fuzzy and off, like everything is moving without you. Blinking some more, turn you head to meet a concentrated pair of hazel eyes, gazing at you a little blankly. 

You frown, and the eyes blink, and you remember where you are and what happened. You must be on the Tardis, and you are conscious, which means you are still alive. 

The hazel eyes are gaging your reaction as your turn your head to look back up at the ceiling.

"Why" she whispers as you brace. You knew it was coming.

"Yesterday my sister died. If I couldn't hold her in death, then I would meet her there instead" you mutter under your breathe.

"You're 17, you have your entire life ahead of you. You are young and strong and beautiful and intelligent." "Please (y/n)." She says when you don't respond."

"I cant go home" you whisper. She nods, and reaches forward to squeeze your shoulder, you try your hardest not to flinch as she is beyond your vision when you lie like this. 

She sighs then attempts a smile.

"Then come away with me. Not forever I know, but until you're ready to return home?"

You turn your head to face her and nod. There are so many things you want to say, but the words don't come. It doesn't matter. The Doctor understands.

* * *

You return to your room that afternoon to find the bed made neatly and the room tidier than you left it in your stumbling state this morning. 

You take a trip to the bathroom and find your drug cabinet all cleared out. You sigh but it isn't unexpected. The Doctor cares for you far more than you deserve, you've found. 

It is just past 6pm and you realise again how hungry you are. You suppose there must be food, for Yaz is human, even if time lords don't eat. You change into some joggers and a comfy hoodie and set out to explore the Tardis. 

You take some left turns then a right, and find a kitchen, conveniently placed near your room. Inside is Yaz, nibbling on strawberries, she looks up and smiles, but it's your least favourite smile in the world; the pity smile.

"Help yourself" she says indicating the room, and you don't hesitate. You find bread in a cupboard and butter in the fridge. You eat with gusto and Yaz giggles. 

"You look like you haven't eaten in days" she says with a warm smile. 

"I haven't" you reply before you realised how messed up that sounds. You look up and see Yazs' smile falter. 

"I'd better share these then" she says, sliding the plate of strawberries toward you. You smile in response and finish your bread course, moving quickly onto the strawberries. 

"You know what would make these even better?" Says Yaz reaching into a tall cupboard on a step stool. "melted chocolate!" She looks down and wobbles, losing her balance. She squeals as she falls, but quick as a flash The Doctor appears, catching her from behind before she hits the floor. 

Both burst out laughing and fall to the floor in peals of giggles, and you realise how cute the two women would be together, then wonder if they're a couple already....? No Yaz is blushing furiously and thanking the blonde awkwardly, and The Doctor is nervously wiping her hands on her blue trousers.

You smile to yourself. They both deserved the best, and from what you've seen so far, they are very close to the best. 

"So you were listening at the door?" Asks Yaz slyly, 

"Mmm?" murmurs The Doctor noncommittally, then pops a strawberry in her grinning mouth. She chews and catches you staring before you look away. 

She swallows and smiles again. 

"Something wrong (y/n)?"

"I thought you well...weren't human?" 

"Doesn't mean I can't enjoy your foods, basic as they are, still they are very nutritious! Good for the hearts" she replies. You continuing staring.

"Hearts? Plural?" 

The Doctor swallows her huge bite of fruit and looks at you with a grin.

"Yes sorry I've got two hearts, perks of being a time lady if you will" you stare some more then choose to accept it. Honestly, was it even worth questioning it?

Instead you consume a couple more strawberries deep in thought while Yaz and The Doctor chat at the counter. You finish and turn to leave inconspicuously.

"Goodnight (y/n)" says The Doctor with another smile, Yaz nodding next to her.

"Goodnight" you say, and turn to head to bed. This day had been exhausting, and strange and painful, and you were more than ready for it to end.


	8. Code

You feel the already familiar shaking of the Tardis underfoot, making you smile a genuine smile. 

The Doctor and The Tardis seemed perfectly matched, working together to take you half way between what they both wanted. 

Yaz clings to one of the golden shards whilst you are happy to be flung around, trying to stay upright. 

The Doctor herself seems to be mostly immune to the shaking, with only the slightest movement affecting her. You come crashing to a halt and all is silent except the rhythmic purring of the Tardis. 

You glance at the Doctor who nods in encouragement, and you step outside onto...well it's grass but it's also not quite right. It's blue and has a faint spicy aroma, and you are madly tempted to taste it. 

You refrain, only to turn and see The Doctor step out the box behind Yaz with a smile on her face and instantly grab a hunk full of the grass and stuff it in her mouth. 

She giggles at yours and Yazs' expressions, but you decide to go for it. You grab your own chunk and and taste it tentatively, it tastes like cold spice, and is remarkably pleasant on the tongue.

"Hoppendowl, or Hoppen populated. 36 million years in your future! the planet is self sustaining, everything is edible if you know how, from the grass to the clouds" she trills, very pleased with her surroundings. "Welcome to your first alien planet (y/n)!" She breathes.

You catch her eye and smile, almost forgetting the heaviness in your heart. This was absolutely amazing.

"Shall we take a stroll?" She offers, and heads towards what looks like a collection of hills in the distance.

You and Yaz exchange glances, then follow with a shrug.

An hour later and you are getting tired. Your body is still recovering from all the abuse form the last couple of days, and it shows through your breathlessness. You don't want to stop The Doctor and Yaz however, for they are ahead and laughing and talking. 

You decide to sit and take a break, only to notice a green glow emanating from a nearby russet boulder. Slowly the green glow turns to gas, that travels from under the boulder at remarkable speeds. 

Sensing a danger, you turn to tell The Doctor, only to hear a shriek come from that direction, apparently from Yaz, who is layed on the floor, The Doctor falling unconscious to her side also. 

You run to catch up but you are suddenly deaf and dizzy, and with a plunging sensation, you feel your consciousness leave as you tumble into the soft grass.

* * *

You eyes fly open, but you sense not much time has passed. You are in a small prison cell, and you instantly feel threatened. Lying either side of you, still unconscious are Yaz and The Doctor. You shake the latter awake, and you see her long eyelashes contract sleepily.

"Doctor please wake up!" You whisper shout, scared to make too much noise. Finally with a groan you spot those hazel eyes, and she rolls over and onto her feet in one movement.

"(Y/n)? How long have we been out? Where's Yaz? Yaz!" Yaz is also groaning softly, before you see her deep brown eyes open confusedly. The Doctor helps her to her feet as you answer as best you can.

"I don't know, I woke up not much sooner than you, Doctor where are we? What happened? Was it the gas? Shall we-" you ramble then stop at the blondes' facial expression which is slightly amused.

"(Y/n) calm down, yes I believe the gas knocked us out, but not for long I don't think, it's still light, and this planet has a shorter day cycle than Earth" seeing that you are not much appeased she softens her tone "it'll be ok (y/n)"

At that moment the door slides open and standing in the doorway is what looks like half man half moose. 

He barks something in a foreign language then pulls out a watch and scans you. You start but it doesn't hurt.

"Human" he concludes, switching to English.

"All three will follow me, which is The Doctor?" He surveys you all and The Doctor steps forward. "That would be me, can I help you? I must warn you, knocking me and my friends out has not put me in the best of moods" she finishes with a frown as you are all lead down a bleak hallway into a lab room.

"We know you speak many languages, you will translate this"

"Mmm, maybe if you ask nicely" she says, but you can tell she is curious and already working hard as she attempts to read the strange runes "what is it?" She asks nonchalantly.

Three more moose-men turn from their work stations and one answers.

"Destruction codes do deal with the vermin of this planet, but we cannot translate it"

"Well not that I approve, but it's clearly written in Gorian, and as Hollens you should speak this as a native language" says The Doctor.

"Correct, but look closer, it makes no sense, the letters are correct, and it isn't coded but we can't read it, there are mistakes" 

"Yes..." confirms The Doctor "but there shouldn't be" 

It is at this moment that you finally catch up, and have an idea. You tug gently on The Doctors' sleeve to get her attention and she turns to you in surprise waiting for you to speak, only now you have the attention on everyone on the room, including six moose-men.

"Um... I just uh thought, well, something can always be translated, and codes can be broken, but mistakes are misunderstood. Maybe... to stop it from being translated, the mistakes are deliberate, with a pattern to them?" You end quietly, then glance up at The Doctor who is smiling down at you with a huge grin. 

"I think you might just be right" making you blush shyly, and so they all get to work searching for patterns, and you slip off to sit next to Yaz.

"How did you know that?" She whispers in awe.

"Honestly, I didn't" you smile, turning to watch the proceedings, and The Doctor scribbling on a piece of paper. 

"Oh. Oh no" she whispers nearby, freezing. 

You tense and catch Yazs' eye, confused when she suddenly rips the paper into shreds and throws them on the floor. She whips her sonic out and blows all the screens out in under a second, to roars of dismay from the moose-men.

"What have you done!" They bellow, as The Doctor drags you and Yaz to your feet and out the door in one movement. 

You find yourself sprinting down a corridor behind The Doctor with her screwdriver pointed ahead, blowing open door after door. Your sides scream in agony and your legs feel tense and slow. 

"Doctor what did you do!?" gasps Yaz from somewhere behind you.

"The translation" she pants "they're coordinates for a weapon to wipe out life on this planet!" She calls back at you both, spurring you onward in panic. 

You had assumed they meant actual vermin, not the population.

With that you burst out a final door and find yourself back on the seemingly familiar blue grass, but The Doctor isn't stopping, she thuds down a narrow path through the trees until you all drop half a mile away onto a soft patch, breathing hard. The sounds of the moose-people have died off and you know you've escaped. 

With that, you make the trudge back to The Tardis, rather eager to get safe again.


	9. Cheat

You are back at the Tardis playing cards with Yaz on the floor. In the background you can hear The Doctor speaking in the moose-peoples' language to their government and requesting a safe transfer of the weapon to be disposed of. 

You look down at your cards then up at Yaz, ready to calculate her poker face, but she isn't paying attention. 

She is staring at The Doctor with a soft expression and you let out a small cough to bring her back to reality, which she does with more blushing. 

You bite back a sly comment as The Doctor bounces over to you and sits crossed legged like a child beside you. You are careful to keep both in your eyeline at all times.

"What are we playing?" She asks with a grin.

"Well we were playing cheat, but Yaz here got a little distracted" you say innocently, trying to contain your laughter at the fresh blush that has appeared over her face.

"Mmm I don't know how to play that one! 900 years of time and space and you humans know something I don't! Fun" she starts to shuffle the cards, catching your expression when she next looks up.

"Ah sorry (y/n) I keep forgetting! Us time lords live a little longer than you humans!"

"But you look so young?" You breathe, which makes her laugh.

"I'm flattered, but we have the ability to regenerate, which is to say, rebuild every cell in our body until we are a completely different person"

"So you're immortal?"

"No we have a set number of regenerations, 11 usually, but I'm a little different" she says that last part with a darker tone.

"So what number are you on?" You also before wondering if this was rude to ask. She doesn't look offended, and smiles as she answers.

"This is technically my thirteenth face, and first time being a woman actually which is weird, not that I miss being a man" she grins and you are again taken aback, she used to be a man? 

Then you reason, well then that is like being transgender, she is no longer a man so it didn't matter. You smile as she opens her mouth again to ask you how to play cheat like the news she just dropped in the last minute wasn't completely crazy. 

You think you are going to like it here.

* * *

You begin to settle into life in The Tardis, enjoying the two women's company, the trips to exotic planets, but especially how busy you were. 

There was very little time to consider what was waiting for you at home when The Doctor eventually decided to take you back, or to mull for hours grieving, as the constant racing around made you exhausted at night.

You laughed and smiled and ran with them, but you always felt one beat behind, like you were missing something that was just beyond your reach. 

Two months had passed and The Doctor hadn't mentioned you returning, until one evening when you were resting against a counter daydreaming.

She clears her throat "(y/n) are you listening to me?" She asks, and you start, because to be honest, you missed whatever she had said in the last five minutes.

"Sorry" you apologise, embarrassed.

"It's ok" she says watching you carefully. "What were you thinking about?"

"Home" you answer honestly.

"Yes I've been thinking about that too" she replies after a pause, and you take the hint, not wanting to make her say it.

"I think I ought to go home soon" you say, the words sounding foreign to you. It's the last place you want to be.

"Ok" she says, "I'll take you home tomorrow". You don't want to assume, but you feel she does sound a little sad to see you go. 

At least someone will miss you when you're gone.

Your goodbyes are short and light. You keep it that way to avoid suspicion. They won't need to worry about you any more.

"Goodbye (y/n), I'll miss you" says Yaz with a smile and a hug which you try to accept without alarm.  
You turn to face The Doctor.

"Have a good life (y/n), and take care of yourself" she says, embracing you quietly.

You nod, afraid you'll do or say something stupid if you open your mouth. Or just burst into tears. It could be anything at this point.

You feel the rushing sensation again as The Tardis   
takes off, and the trip seems to take much less time than usual as you feel the box hit solid ground and you step out onto your quiet estate. Two months. You really thought more would have changed.

"Goodbye (y/n)" says The Doctor, smiling gently at you.

"Thank you Doctor, for everything". You hope that says enough.

She nods in acknowledgment, and turns back, closing the blue door behind her. You watch as she disappears for the last time, before breathing deeply, and looking up at apartment 127 cooper field estate.


	10. Home

TW: graphic abuse.

You shake as you knock on the too familiar cheap door, with its gold bracket falling off. Jay apparently still hasn't fixed it.

You hear him approach from the other side as though in a dream, unlocking the deadbolt and swinging it inward towards him. You watch as he takes you in from bottom to top, as his face turns from flushed, to purple, to white, then back to red.

In that instant you knew you had made a terrible mistake. You were stupid to assume anything other than what was obvious was about to happen. Your own mistake, again.

"Where have you been" he growls, and you take a step back in shock. You'd forgotten how loud his voice was.

"Get. In. Now" he breathes. You don't dare disobey, mind already wandering. You are too slow, and he grabs your arm and yanks you forward, as you let out a cry of fear.

He slams the door and turns to your face, and you find yourself backing into the main room until you hit solid wall, terror filling you up like a liquid. 

Whatever happens next you will need to be strong and remember to always cover your head. Instinctively you bite the inside of cheek hard, and in one go you taste the warm iron tang of blood. Real.

You watch him visibly take a breath, and lick his jaw.

"WELL?" He thunders, and you wince.

"WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?!" He bellows, shaking the cabinet behind you. 

You are paralysed in fear, and slide your back down the wall in a desperate attempt to appear smaller. 

Your heart thumps our an irregular rhythm, and you get the impression it is trying to escape just as much as you want to. 

"I ASKED YOU A QUESTION YOU LITTLE SLUT" he roars again, and you cover your ears, but he is losing patience fast. 

"You have three seconds to answer, or else" he hisses

"Travelling" you blurt out.

"DON'T LIE TO ME!" he bellows again and you whine in terror. It's getting closer to the moment, you know it. You meet his eyes, and instantly regret it. 

He lets out a roar and charges towards you.

Picking you up by your neck, he throws you into the opposite wall with a sickening crunch, that tells you something is broken. You hope it's not a bone, maybe it was just-

He grabs your head and slams it repeatedly into the wall, Over and over while you cry in pain at each blow, tasting warm blood and flesh, until you can no longer move your face. 

Shaking in agony, you roll onto your back gasping, vision cloudy. You try desperately to crawl away but he lets out another roar and stamps done hard on your fingers. The crack echoes off the walls like a gunshot and you scream, unable to contain yourself. 

You pant erratically, having lost a lot of blood so far, and knowing more would be spilled before he was done with you.

He seizes you again, picking you up by the back of the neck and flips you to face him. He is breathing hard from the exertion, but he still manages to smile crookedly at you.

"I am going to teach you a lesson you will never forget" he whispers almost lovingly as he strokes your cheek, before he slams you brutally into a wall, crushing your jaw against the hard plaster, but you sense he is still just warming up. 

Again and again he beats you, taking off his belt at one point and using across your chest and face. You scream and cry but no one comes, until you are left wishing for death. 

Finally he seems to be finished, but you are sickened when you feel his hands grab you and lift you again, cradling you with menace, you are aware you are being carried, and realise too late that the grunting and squeaking noise is the window opening. 

You try to struggle, you know this is inevitable, and to be perfectly honest, you are just glad to finally be able to end things. So when you feel his arms leave you, and the swooping sensation of falling through the air from a four story building, you don't even scream. 

Your eyes open some time later, following your ears which can hear sirens in the distance, like the day Abigail- 

Nausea rolls over you and you want to vomit, but your jaw is a bloody pulp, and your eyes are glued shut with blood clots. 

You lie and wait for help unable to move a single part of your body without experiencing excruciating pain, half wishing it doesn't come.

You move your thoughts from directions of Abi, you don't need mental pain as well as physical, so you think of The Doctor and Yaz, and where they are now.

Probably chasing down some rogue aliens, or flying through hyper space. 

This life was worth it, just to meet them.


	11. Visit

TW: psych wards, suicidal references and mentions of triggers.

October 15th.

You calculate from your bed, trying to get a glimpse beyond the barres on the window. So, exactly four years since you met The Doctor. 

It feels like much longer. 

You sigh and swing your legs over the side of the narrow single bed you have learned to call your own. It's not like you're getting out of here any time soon. 

You wish you could open your window and let some fresh air in, but of course, these windows don't open.

You make your way to the bathroom you have to yourself, courtesy of being a long term inpatient. 

You strip and take a shower, letting the warm water (not hot, which is not allowed) cover your body and truly wake you up properly. You wash your hair and brush your teeth, drying your self with the standard white towel, before dressing and heading down to breakfast. 

You select some dry toast and sit nibbling thoughtfully, resigned to using the plastic safety cutlery. Georgie, your friend of two of the five years of being in the psych ward slides onto the bench next to you. You try not to flinch, knowing it could trigger her. 

A new girl is staring across the table at you both. Your friend is hard to get used to, and it takes the new inpatients a while to stop staring at the shiny red scar around her neck from the noose the failed to end her life two christmases ago.

"Jam" she says without looking up, but you have already passed it over, the girl goes mad for it.

You drop your toast and rise, bored of eating, only to be told to sit back down and finish by one of the nurses. You consider arguing, but you haven't got the energy. Not today of all days. 

Four years since meeting The Doctor yes, a wonderful day, but also five years since something else that shattered you beyond repair.

You finish your plate to please the nurse, she's new and you haven't got the heart to break her yet, that'll come soon enough. 

Georgie leads the way to group therapy, where you tell everyone, as you have done once a week for the past half decade, your name, how you are feeling today, your achievements this week, and your goals for next week. 

You have been here long enough that no one is interested in what you have to say, least of all you, but they listen as they are told to. Bless them. They still have hope of escape. 

The girl who stared at Georgies' scars over breakfast doesn't react to having her name called, and has to be provoked to speak, on the promise of free time later. She can't be any older than 16 or maybe 17, the same age you were admitted.

"My name is Codie" she says in a voice heavy with sarcasm. "I'm 17 years old, and my achievements are not throwing up that mush you call cereal this morning, and my goals are to eventually unalive myself, better?" She voices bitterly. 

There are several gasps of shocks, triggering subjects are strictly forbidden in group therapy, but you find yourself sniggering, Codie breaking a smile too.

"Enough" says Mandy, the group therapist. "Thank you Codie, I will take it you were not properly debriefed on our policies of certain topics before the session began?"

"Nope" she says cheerily.

"Right well, moving on, does anyone have anything else they would like to share with the group?" She says quickly, clearly eager to be finished with our lot.

"Yes" you say to everyone's surprise, Mandy included.

"I think I'm ready to leave" you say steadily, keeping eye contact with Mandy. Like you haven't asked this a million times before, but you wanted her to tell you in front of everyone.

"We'll discuss that when you are well enough" she says, recovering herself quickly. Always the same response. You sigh, you needed to stop hoping. It was going to kill you one day.

You are all dismissed, and Mandy moves to sit next to one of the girls who has burst into tears. Its not an uncommon occurrence for her. You try to keep yourself busy during your designated free time, but your mind wanders often from the cheesy tv show you are permitted to watch. 

Nothing too triggering, nothing that could make anyone remember why there were here. Hours pass, and you sit opposite Georgie on a bean bag while you take it in turns to play card and board games interchangeably. The usual routine. 

You are in the middle of a particularly boring game of rummy, when a nurse approaches you with the same smile they all share. The dont-provoke-the-mental-kids-smile.

"(Y/n)?" She asks, pulling you from your tactical thoughts.

"Mmm?" Your reply, staring at your cards, wondering what on earth you've done wrong this time.

"You have a visitor if you'd like to make your way back to your room" you freeze, blood rushing in your ears, heart pounding and palms clammed up. 

Four years since you've seen him, and you've tried not to think about him since the day he beat the shit out of you, threw you out a window and somehow convinced the authorities it was an attempt due to the grief of losing your sister, the results of which are why you have been trapped in an institution for five long years. 

You begin to shake, but rise to your feet. After all this time, you still wouldn't dare keep him waiting.

You walk as though through thick fog, and the short trek to your room seems more infinitesimal then usual. Your hand hovers over the handle as you try desperately to compose yourself. 

You enter and look around, relief almost crippling you when you see he isn't yet here. Your room is tidy and besides a few books and your crappy phone on the bedside table, looks barely lived in. 

You don't own much, maybe five outfits that are neatly stowed in your wardrobe, and you don't wear shoes around the ward. You look down at yourself and consider tidying a little. You are on day three of these joggers, and god knows how long since you washed your oversized black hoodie that has long since become your favourite comforter.

The only comfort you have is that, being a high risk patient, a nurse had to present during all confrontations. At least he would only get in a couple of hits before he was removed.

You collapse backwards onto your bed, and arrange yourself cross-legged, to offer some protection of your neck and chest area when it came to it.

A knock at the door brings you out of your planning, and you clear throat in response, your sandpaper throat too dry to start enter. You brace for the emotional pain as the door swings inwards, and a nurse steps in, followed by someone who almost stops your heart.


	12. Back

TW: self harm

"Hello (y/n)" she says calmly, while you try to convince your lungs to take in some air. 

She smiles down at you, a grin so familiar you could have seen it just yesterday, and recognised it just about anywhere.

"Hello Doctor" you mange you say, too scared to blink, should she suddenly disappear. She surveys your room from bed to window before landing back on you. She smiles again and turns back to the nurse "I'm going to need a couple of minutes alone with (y/n) here" she says politely.

"I'm sorry ma'am but that is simply not possible, you see. (Y/n) is a high risk patient and highly unpredictable, it is also possible you may smuggle her contraband from your, Er, coat" she says with feeling, as though you weren't sat four feet away.

"Not a problem, I was searched upon entering the building, and I have my credentials right here" she says cheerfully, pulling a small flat wallet out of an inside pocket and waving it in front of the nurses' face. 

"Well I guess, seeing as you have been given special permission by the-" she squints at the paper a little before continuing "Er-Queen, yes I suppose just five minutes, and I won't be far, yes" she stammers, before pushing the pull door, correcting herself and leaving.

"You really shouldn't do that" you say solemnly. "She's never going to forget this"

"Oh I doubt it" the blonde says happily, before her smile disappears when you don't reply. She crosses the room to sit on your bed and you flinch as though she has slapped you. 

You scoot towards the pillows, maintaining a safe distance between you two.

"(Y/n)?" She says softly. You don't reply, staring straight ahead.

"What happened?"

You shake your head, absentmindedly stroking the zigzag scar that covers half your face. A token of that day.

"How long have you been here?, you look older"  
You snort derisively. "Only five years, so yes I look older" you snap without regretting it. The Doctor is silent, and your anger ebbs away.

"I'm sorry" she whispers, voice catching,

"For what, this is my fault, I did this to myself" you reply, and it's true, sure, Jay put you in here, but you could have got out sooner if you didn't keep trying to end your life in creative ways. 

"No, no I shouldn't have let you leave". You frown, let you leave?

"I was too much trouble, don't worry, I understand" you safe in a gentle tone.

"Absolutely not! I let you leave because I thought you wanted to go home?"

"Home...I never wanted to return" you say.

"Then come back" she says quietly. You finally meet her eyes and see them alive with a burning intensity.

"I can't leave" you say blankly "I'm not allowed"

"Breaking the rules is my favourite part" grins The Doctor, jumping time her feet.

"So what do you say? Let me try again, to show you the wonders of the universe, to show you that life is so much bigger than planet Earth, that life is worth living" she says the last part in a gentler tone again. Staring at you intently with those loving hazel eyes.

"I say..." your reply, your mind having been on autopilot for so long, without focus and without hope. But this was the moment to decide, die here or live out there, back in the place you felt safest, under the careful eye of a woman you trusted with your life.  
"Yes"

She turns her head and breaks into a smile like the sun coming out.  
"Well then" she says patting through her pockets frantically. "I guess I'd better call The Tardis"

With that she holds out a key in front of her, and, to your astonishment, you begin to hear the beautiful sound of whirring and thrumming, and soon The Tardis has materialised around the key in front of your very eyes. The Doctor turns the key and the doors swing open with a a click. Without hesitation, you jump inside, spinning slowly as you absorb the machine once again. 

The console thrums softly at your arrival and you giggle with a genuine smile, turning to find The Doctor has not yet followed you in, you step towards the door uncertainly, and she enters holding a small collection of items, including the sad contents of your wardrobe, your books and your phone. 

You smile gratefully, and she closes the door behind her before heading off presumably to dump it in your room. You run your hand along the console, happier than you've been in half a decade, when someone comes running in from a corridor opposite the entrance in front of The Doctor. 

You haven't seen her for years, but she's barely changed. 

Because of how good she looks at her age, you didn't expect any change from The Doctor, but you thought Yaz may have. The only difference is her slightly shorter hair. 

She smiles, and your heart stops as she runs to embrace you. You yelp and fall backwards off a small ledge when you step back to put some distance between you and her, landing roughly on your wrists.

She stops and her hands cover her mouth "Oh my god (y/n) are you ok?" She asks desperately, smile gone, reaching forward to help you up.

"yes I'm fine just please, please stay back" you say, one hand out in front of you.

"(Y/n) are you hurt?" The Doctor says evenly, keeping her distance, having returned from dropping off your stuff.

"I'm fine" you say, getting to your feet.  
"Sorry, I... I don't to physical contact if I can help it" you mutter with your eyes to the floor.

The Doctor looks at you carefully then turns back to the main console.

"Doesn't mean I'm not happy to see you though" you say attempting a brighter tone, and Yaz responds with an unsure smile.

"You look older" she comments 

"Yeah I'm 23 actually, a little older than when we last met" you say absently brushing dust from your leggings.

"It's been FIVE YEARS?!" Yaz exclaims, making you jump.

"Yes... hasn't it... hasn't it been very long for you?"

"Six months" she whispers, staring at you.

"Oh right" you say blandly. "Time travel, I forgot" you glance up at The Doctor who is keeping herself a little too busy, and realise this was never news to her. 

You don't know how you feel about that.

"So what have you been up to for the past five years?" Yaz asks, as The Tardis begins to shake with the takeoff, the extra care from The Doctor making the journey smoother than you remember.

"Not much" you answer honestly. "You two?"

"Bit of this and that. We went to a light gem planet (y/n) you'll never believe, I took one actually and The Doctor made it into a necklace for me, I'll show you at some point" she says, trying to ignore the blush on her cheeks.

"Sounds lovely" you say, holding back a wistful sigh.   
"Would you like to go and settle in, (y/n)?" Asks The Doctor, and you nod, releasing how exhausting the last half hour has been alone, grateful for some alone time. You head off and find your bedroom easily. Of course, nothing really has changed.

* * *

You lie in your heap of duvets and pillows that night into the early hours of the morning. Thoughts ping pong around your head, and you toss and turn, unable to get comfortable. 

One particular thought has your heart racing and breath catching, but you avoid it as long as possible. You drift in and out of consciousness, finally getting up, unable to stand it any longer. 

You reach up and flick the bedside light on, emitting a soft glow to the room. You eye up the desk in the far corner and make your way over, slightly sickened by your own excitement. 

You pull out the top draw and find instantly what you are looking for. A brand new shiny pencil sharpener and scissors. You carry one in either hand to the bathroom and carefully shut the door before sitting down cross legged. 

You get to work jamming the scissors into the screw holding the blade of the sharpener and begin to twist. You're out of practice, but it eventually gives, the small metal blade tipping into your lap. You put down the scissors and breathe. 

You haven't used this technique in a while, you've had to be creative in the institution, cutting yourself with paper and creating bruises by forcibly tripping. 

You smile down at the blade, an unreasonable calm taking over, and rise it in your right hand to your left wrist, and swipe down. 

You gasp at how easily it cuts, you've always loved fresh blades, and quickly slice again, and again, and again. Blood drips from the wounds, the skin splitting and leaving a visible gap between the tissue. You sigh and lean back, enjoying the perfect dizziness you haven't felt in years.

You pull off some toilet paper and mop up as best you can, but of course it's not that easy. You check the medicine cabinet but it's still empty. 

Slightly worried, you stand up unsteadily, and walk back into your room holding your wrist. You remember the wardrobe and paw through, eventually finding a purple scarf to wrap around your oozing wrist. 

It stings but the pain feels familiar and comforting, you'd forgotten how good it felt to turn your mental pain into physical. 

You crawl back into your nest after switching off the lights, and fall instantly asleep.


	13. Blood

TW: self harm injuries and blood warning.

You open your eyes slowly, memories of what you did last night fresh in your mind. You shouldn't be content but your are. It's what you've been needing for the last five years. Proper relief. 

You rise from the floor and head to the bathroom, where you clean up the mess from the night before. 

Tenderly you examine the wounds. You gasp at their severity in the bright light, and wince as the scarf peels back the top layer, the cuts oozing steadily in response. 

You don't have any bandages so you simply pull on a black top that won't show the blood seeping through. You add some leggings and boots and head off to the console, having brushed your teeth and hair and made your bed.

"Good morning!" Calls The Doctor cheerily, and you force a smile in return.

"Where are we going today, forwards or backwards?" She asks as Yaz enters looking very pretty in jeans and a cute top, her hair in neat space buns.

"Mmmm, another planet! I don't mind when" you respond and she breaks into a bigger smile.

"Right you are (y/n)!"she says and pulls down hard on a lever, the ship beginning to shake and wheeze as you take off. You cling to some rails as Yaz grabs onto a golden shard, The Doctor steadying herself on the lever. 

You land more successfully than you could have hoped, your arms sore and tired from the strain of gripping the rail, but you hide it well.

The Doctor strides through the door, you humans following, stepping into a grand building, possibly a mansion, made of a deep stone like material, but with a grey-blue tinge. Vases of flowers line the empty room, as well as what you would call sofas, though a little oddly shaped.

A short, squat and poisonous green woman comes through the door with an indignant expression and demands why you haven't parked in the visitors bay, but rather the sires main room. 

The Doctor smiles confidently and hands over the magic paper, which has the woman blushing and apologising before leading you into a great hall filled with aliens. She leaves you to sort out the catering and The Doctor turns to you with a wink. 

"Right you have one hour to explore, no wandering far and stay out of trouble" with that she walks off into the crowd and is quickly swallowed up. A little intimidated by the array of aliens, you head to the edge of the floor, Yaz takes a left and is soon gone from your field of view. 

An alien with patchy red skin and a mane of brown fur approaches you. You avoid eye contact, but both their mouths smile.

"I've never seen one of you before, are you a relation of the Androgydes?" They ask politely.

"No I don't think so" you respond taken aback "I'm human" you say shyly.

"Really? What is your planet of origin?" They seem genuinely intrigued.

"Earth, it's in the-do you know the Milky Way?" You ask but they shake their head cheerily.

"Never heard of it, must be far! So maybe you've never heard of us! I'm a galanta-feros by the name of Drensun", my planet of origin is Belou in the galaxy of pachioca". You nod politely, but you have no idea what they just said. 

They seem to understand and both their mouths smile again. A little overwhelmed, you excuse yourself and leave the hall into a corridor ending in a door. Intrigued you push on the bar in the place of a handle and it swings inwards. 

Curiosity creeps up your spine, but The Doctor said an hour and it's barely been 20 minutes, you reason with yourself. 

You pull on the door and find it dark, With a faint glow at the bottom, not too far. You give in and step inside, finding stairs and a banister to grip. Almost at the bottom you think you hear something, like the faint tingle of bells. Resigned to the worst, you continue until the next step leads you onto solid floor. At that moment you register a painful blow to the back of your head, and you're out like a light.

* * *

You feel rather than hear someone calling your name. As well as soft fingers across your forehead. The touch frightens you and your eyes fly open, meeting a startled pair of hazel eyes looking at you in concern.

"(Y/n) wake up! Are you ok? Are you hurt?" She asks, and you scoot away as a first priority, holding your throbbing head.

"I'm sorry I had to wake you somehow" she apologises and you nod to show you understand, you survey your surroundings and decide you must be in a cell in the basement. You eyes meet The Doctor and you make a discovery. 

Her ankles and wrists are shackled, she could probably only just reach you where you were lying a second ago. Your own ankles and wrists aren't bound, in fact you can stand and walk, which you do, scanning the perimeter of the cell.

"Why aren't I shackled?" You ask blankly, gazing down at The Doctors' kneeling form. She gets to her feet and straightens up but can't move any further. You are disgusted in yourself that you feel safe that she is now unable to touch you.

"I don't know" she answers puzzled, "But don't worry I'm sure it's a good sign" she says hopefully. You are not so sure.

"Depends" comes a female voice from the darkness, and you both turn you head in that direction to see a beautiful woman unlocking the door. She steps in and closes it behind her, locking it with a click.

"On?" Says The Doctor in a controlled tone.

"Which you feel is the better deal"she responds, the hairs lifting on the back of your neck at her addictive voice. It's low and light, but rich like dark chocolate to match her waist length brown hair. 

She wears a simple white dress, and should be human in appearance, except she is over 6ft and pale as a sheet, with an unnatural sense of equilibrium apparent in the way she moves and carries herself. And of course she is stunning.

"What do you mean, better deal?" Asks The time lady quietly, caution in her voice .

"Well you see, I couldn't just let you go, dear no, you're far too nosy, snooping around my basement, and yet, your friend here did the same thing. I turned a potential disaster into what can be called my lucky day. You see, she smells so divine, I can't help but want her. It's perfect you see. I get to enjoy her, while you watch. It's the perfect punishment." She giggles. The Doctor stares at her with a hard look, while you begin to tremble. You were pretty sure she just told you she you smelled nice and wanted to enjoy you.

She walks over to you and you flinch, but her hand darts out and grabs your left wrist in an icy grip. You wince as she squeezes your fresh wounds, and The Doctor senses your pain.

"Leave her alone" growls The Doctor, in a voice you've never heard her use before. Low and dangerous.

"No" she says with a sly smile, and to your horror, slides up your sleeve and brings your still-bloody wrist to her mouth, licking it with a freezing tongue, making it sting. You struggle but you can't move, and look up at The Doctor, meeting her shocked and sad eyes. You shake your head and the woman pulls away.

"Mmmmm, she's sweet"

"(Y/n) what happened to your arm" asks the blonde, her voice hitching. You shake your head, not noticing that the strange woman now has her face level with yours. 

Realising too late what she is about to do, you open your mouth to scream as she reveals four inch fangs behind her rose red lips, instantly cutting off when she lunges and sinks them in your neck. 

You gasp in surprise, and are horrified to be able to feel the blood leave your body from the wound, sucked straight into the vampire woman.

"No let her go! Please you'll kill her! LET HER GO RIGHT NOW" screams The Doctor, yanking furiously at her chains, but the noise simply echoes around your head. 

Sweeping Dizziness threatens to envelop you, and you feel the vampire follow you as your back slides down the wall. 

You can hear The Doctor struggling in intense distress to free herself from the shackles, with little luck. 

Delirious and dizzy, you hear dry sobs from her direction, but you soon lose focus as you feel yourself slump onto the floor, lying in agony while your blood is drained.

"(Y/n) hold on please!" Screams The Doctor desperately from somewhere far off, but your eyes flutter closed, and don't reopen.


	14. Close

TW: mentions of self harm

Were you dead? You couldn't be, this isn't how it ends, no you can hear something still as you drift in and out of consciousness...

Something bright burns behind your eyes, illuminating the black with red. You force them open into thin slits, able to make out a clearly defined flame and someone holding it high above you. Relief floods you as the weight of the vampire is pulled off you, but somehow you feel even more vulnerable than ever. 

You hear the dull thuds of metal falling to the floor, and in an instant feel warm strong arms reach you. You don't have the energy to move or even flinch, lying completely still, but not yet under. 

The hands scramble to your neck where they become still, probably searching for a pulse, the other hand applying hard pressure on your neck. You may be delirious but you are sure there is more than one person with you, and it definitely wasn't The Doctor holding the flame.

"Oh my god (y/n) I'm so sorry I should never have come here! This is all my fault, please (y/n) wake up!" The Doctor pours out in a panicked rush, that beautiful voice so familiar. 

You want to move and tell her you're ok, you'll be fine, but actually you can feel yourself getting closer and closer to sleep, your eyes having long since dropped shut.

"Use this to staunch the blood, I'll lead the way, you need to get her out of here, now" another voice says, vaguely registering in the background. 

A piece of fabric is pressed to your neck, then the strong arms of the time lady lift you clean off the floor effortlessly. 

You are vaguely aware you are moving, and despite hating the close contact, you feel safe in these arms. 

Safe. A word you haven't used in a long time. 

The journey is short, and you can tell when you've reached the console for the deep concerned thrumming of the Tardis. 

"Thank you for your help, you may have saved her life" says The Doctor breathlessly.

"No worries, first time meeting a human, I couldn't just let her die" and then you realise, it was the friendly alien you met earlier holding the flame. 

"You'd better get her out of here quickly now, the vampire will be following her scent when she manages to free herself"

The Doctor thanks them again and takes you into The Tardis, closing the door behind her with her foot after Yaz slips in.

The wrap around your neck seems to be working and you feel your eyes open fractionally. You moan softly and The Doctor stops in her tracks and looks down at you. 

Her face is fuzzy, but you make out a worried expression, before she bends down and rests you gently on the floor.

"Yaz come and hold her please, we need to get out of here before the vampire catches her scent and comes after us" she informs. 

Once again you fail to struggle when weaker and colder human arms pull you into their lap. The Tardis picks up with a whooshing sound and you feel the slightest relief that you have at least escaped. 

You don't think you've even landed when The Doctor once again scoops you form Yazs' lap and carries you at a quickened pace further into the ship. Your head lolls, the Tardis journey having sapped the energy you had managed to revive, and your eyes fall shut once again.

"No (y/n) don't do this to me we're almost there! Hang on, I'm not going to let you die, not today, not tomorrow or the day after or the day after. You will be just fine, I promise..." you miss the end as you are seriously close to unconsciousness by now, grey spots clouding your vision and nausea rolling in.

You are a aware that you are being placed gently onto a bed, and your sleeves rolled up. 

You are so out of it you don't even react to the sharp intake of breathe signalling The Doctor has just seen the extent of your injuries. A sharp poke in your arm, and instant relief, another more painful poke in your hand and the feeling of fluid entering you. 

Comfortable and safe, you finally allow yourself to sleep.

* * *

You feel significantly revived before you've even opened your eyes. They take a bit of convincing but you get in on the third try. 

You think you are alone, but happen to glance over at the door and see The Doctor sat crossed legged like a child, with a book in her hands, eyes scanning the page at impossible speeds, little furrow lines on her forehead. You don't like to disturb her so lie back down quietly. 

You roll to get more comfortable but pull at your iv sending pain down your arm. You wince and roll back, and try not to alert the time lady. You know sooner or later she is going to make you talk. You pick sooner and close your eyes.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Comes a low voice in the semi-darkness. So she knew you were awake. Of course she did, she's shown you multiple times how clever and perceptive she was.

"No" you reply sullenly. She sighs and gets to her feet and approaches you, as you shift yourself up to rest on your elbows.

"Firstly, I'm sorry for what happened. Truly I am, it was stupid and reckless of me to enrage a vampire, and you got caught in the middle. I believe there is no lasting damage, and I've replaced a large volume of the blood you lost. You neck looks like it's going to heal nicely"

You nod, knowing there's more and dreading it.

"Still, this could have been avoided if she'd never caught your scent in the first place" she says, eyes locked straight on yours. You break contact first, not saying a word.

"(Y/n)?" She says quietly and you turn your head away, noticing the clean white gauze bandaging your left arm.

"Why did you do it?" She whispers.

You think about an answer. An answer that won't land you straight back in the psych ward, will appease The Doctor and erase suspicion while not lying to her all at the same time. It's a long list.

"(Y/n)?" She prompts and you decide to answer as best you can.

"Don't worry, really Doctor, it's a one time thing" then you realise she would have seen your old scars too. Her expression of calm disbelief reflects that.

"I couldn't help it" you say quietly.

"(Y/n) I have enough trouble keeping you alive without you working against me too! I need you to promise you'll come and find me if you ever feel like this again. Do you promise?"

You look deep into her caring hazel eyes filled with nothing but deepest concern, and hate yourself for what you are about to say next.

"I promise".


	15. Past

You are allowed to leave the Medbay the next day, and hop off your bed eagerly. The blood rushes to your head and intense sweeping dizziness takes over, and you feel yourself fall forward into The Doctors' arms.

"Whoa, easy now" she says, propping you back upright. You nod a little breathlessly and straighten up slowly, The Doctor scrutinising you carefully.

"Maybe you ought to stay another night" she says turning to settle you back in.

"No no honestly I'm fine that happens all the time, really. I just want to get back to my room and sleep." You say quickly while she does a sweeping inspection of your face. 

She nods with a resigned look and you follow her out of the medical wing and into the corridor. The Doctor enters a door on the next left, and you find yourself in your room. You turn to The Doctor and ask her, worried you were going insane.

"My room, isn't it-wasn't it round the other side? Off the right corridor?" You ask perplexed.

"Mmm?" You seem you have pulled her from deep thought. "The Tardis probably moved it closer so you wouldn't have to walk as far" she brushes off, pulling your bedding from the floor and arranging it on the double bed. 

You absorb this information as fast as your lethargic brain will allow. So she was definitely sentient, and apparently very considerate. 

You smile at the wall closest, and place your hand gently against it, trying to convey your gratitude. You feel heat raise under you hand and gasp in surprise, smiling some more. 

You felt she understood what you were trying to do, and you realised how incredible this machine really was.

"Can I trust you?" Asks The Doctor pulling you from your state of wonder.

"Yes" you answer immediately and semi-honestly. 

You would never do anything to jeopardise her, Yaz, The Tardis or anyone else.

She turns to leave then pauses.  
"You're going to sleep on the floor again aren't you?"

You don't reply but head into the bathroom and lock the door. You were tired and overwhelmed, and really didn't need this right now. You hear the bedroom door click as The Doctor finally leaves you alone. You know it's against her better judgement. 

You strip and take a shower, enjoying the sensation of the hot water over your body, tense muscles slowly relaxing, leaving you free to think about all that had happened. The fear in The Doctors' voice, the sensation of blood loss, and the touching kindness of the alien you barely knew. You wish you had had the chance to thank them. 

You step out the shower onto the mat and wrap a towel around yourself. It's then that you realise you probably shouldn't have got your arm wet, the bandages heavy and sopping. You peel them off to examine your wounds, finding rows and rows of puckered and sore tiny black stitches. You feel a pang of regret as you picture The Doctor stitching you together piece by piece.

The skin is warm and irritated but looks clean. You wipe the condensation from the mirror and check your neck wound too. 

You barely find the two neat puncture holes, running your fingers over the smooth bumps momentarily,then return to your bedroom. 

You pick out simple nightwear and pull the blankets off your ready made bed, curling up into a tight ball, shivering slightly against your wet hair. You are asleep within minutes.

* * *

You wake with a start, gasping and panting, sweat pouring down your face and sheets tangled around your legs which you fight to release. You stand and stumble to the bathroom, blinking in the harsh light and turn on the tap. 

You gulp at the water then cup it in your hands and throw it over your face. Your reflection is pale and shaky, and you feel nausea swirl in the pit of your stomach. 

Understanding, you pull up the toilet seat and dry retch until you are left curled up on the bathroom floor, the cool tiles soothing you slightly. 

Minutes pass and you rise slowly from the floor and pull on a long grey dressing gown from the bathroom door. 

You know you will never get to sleep now, not after watching your sister die for the thousandth time, so you decide to head off into the Tardis and do some exploring, to see just how big she really is. 

You stride across your room and shut the door behind you with a quiet click, taking a left, two rights and a left, following the golden glows of the overhead beams and running your hand along the cool wall to ground yourself.

A door is shut on front of you, but when you turn back you are sure it was a left corridor that brought you to this spot, not a right. A forked path confuses you further and you feel mild panic set up. 

This ship was much bigger than you had anticipated, and you were beginning to feel scared you would never get back. Heart racing, you jump when a door ahead opens up. Gingerly you inch it open further and gasp in awe and surprise. 

Shelf upon shelf upon shelf of books surround you in a huge cathedral sized room. You stay silent as you wander the shelves, stunned by the sheer size of the place, and the volume of books it held. At the end of one particular row you find a wooden book stand with a huge book open perfectly down the centre. 

As you approach you notice not writing, but an image, a painting to be specific of what must be another planet, because it certainly wasn't earth, and there was something else. The painting was... it was moving? Just like in Harry Potter the image was moving and progress was clearly being made in the scene. 

You watch as futuristic looking planes shot at the huge smashed globe in the middle of the page, and smoke rose in violent patterns from the minute buildings below. 

Red beams and gunfire litter the scene, and you could almost hear the shouts of war and fear. In fact you could just about make out the people themselves if you leaned in just a little bit closer....

Someone clears their throat behind you and you nearly drop to the floor in fear. You whip round to see The Doctor facing you, arms crossed, obtaining what should have been an angry face, but looked just a little stern. She has been completely silent in her approach.

"I'm sorry Doctor I had a nightmare, I went for a walk and the Tardis brought me here.... I'm sorry for snooping, I was just curious about this book."

"Curiosity isn't a bad thing (y/n), but if you wanted to know about my past you could have just asked me." she scolds gently.

You frown and slowly make the connection.

"You mean... this planet...?"

"Is my home, yes" she says In a detached voice 

"That's Gallifrey?" You ask in disbelief.

"Yes."The Doctor nods, looking surprised you remembered. Of course you remembered. In a lifetime of shit, you remember the good.

She approaches and you try not to be so obvious in your shuffle backwards. She meets your eyes and you feel shame burn your neck. Of course she noticed, she always does.

"This is a hyperstatic image, it's a moment of time captured and replayed over and over. This is minutes before I locked it in a pocket universe" she finishes in the same monotonous voice.

"You-you did that?" You ask, stunned, and she nods sadly. You are slightly panicked, you've never seen her look so vulnerable before, she was such a leading figure in your life.

"I had no choice. It was my people or the universe, the time war was raging on with no hope of ending..."

You look at her in sympathy, finally feeling you understood her a little better. If your last resort was to condemn your people and your planet to another solitary universe, you would try hard to do the right thing from every day on too.

"I'm sorry" you say, knowing these words were so little and inconsequential, but she breaks into a small smile.

"It was a long time ago now, I've moved on, but I keep a reminder so I never forget." She says and turns to walk away. 

With one last glance at the book, you turn and follow her all the way back to the safety of your room.


	16. Fluff

The next morning you walk into the main console room and find The Doctor already there, staring blankly at a screen and apparently very lost in thought. 

You shuffle between your feet, and she looks up and smiles. You breath out, fearing that she may have been holding a grudge against you for last night.

"Morning (y/n)" she greets with a warm smile "did you get back to sleep?". Truthfully no, but you smile and nod. Then make a decision.

"Doctor I'm sorry... about last night... and what happened to your home." You say sincerely. Her smile falters and she sighs.

"Not to worry (y/n), it was a long time ago now, besides I have my fam, you've become very special to me (y/n)" she says a slight warning tone that eases into a soft smile "and Yaz of course..." she grins wider as Yaz enters and you can't help but giggle. They both look at you obliviously. And you try to change the subject.

"So where are we going today?" You ask interestedly.

"Well I thought today we might follow a slightly distressing call from a neighbouring galaxy, if that's ok with you two?" She says already flicking switches and turning a dial. 

You both agree eagerly, and with the usual chaos ensues as the Tardis spins towards your destination. 

You land roughly as usual, you humans stumbling, but The Doctor barely swaying, such was the impeccable balance and strength of her species.

A little hesitantly you follow the two outside onto soft dirt, sun warming your face. You smile, Yaz having a similar reaction, The Doctor already striding towards a large village in the far distance. 

You hurry to catch up, embracing the two suns overhead, you humans either side of the time lord. 

You walk in silence, taking in your surroundings and breathing the light air. As the sun begins to set you come across a gate, and realise the village was in fact not miles away, but actually completely in miniature, cosy little wooden huts with chimneys and stained glass windows, little stone paths and picket fences, all less than half the size of your human versions, all just beyond this little wall and gate. 

The iron gate opens at Yazs' touch, swinging inwards revealing the sheer size of the village. 

You follow The Doctor in, all three of you smiling and gazing comfortably at the dollhouse village, until something from the left runs into The Doctor, knocking her to the ground. 

Your heart rate picks up and you feel fight or flight set in as Yaz gasps and reaches over to pull her to her feet in alarm, only to find The Doctor in peals of laughter, with a completely spherical ball of fluff on her lap. 

More are following, leaving their houses and rushing towards you with excited squeaks and squeals, firing themselves off the ground and into yours and Yazs' arms, and you grip one instinctively to stop it falling. 

It chirps cutely and nestles into your chest, purring and emanating heat. Your fear is gone and replaced with a smile, and you are beginning to feel ridiculous that you could ever be scared of such an adorable ball of fluff. 

Yaz and The Doctor are kneeling on the ground, giggling as the creatures climb all over them. Little brown arms and legs pulling themselves up and fighting for attention. The one in your arms is purring softly, and you feel the long brown hair brush your chin lightly. 

There are maybe twenty vying for all your attentions, and you laugh, stumbling as one sits in your foot and wraps it's short arms around your leg. 

"Ok ok one at a time" you snort, looking over at the other two. Watching as The Doctor picks two up in her arms and gets cleanly to her feet. Yaz struggles more. Smiling as one swings from her long braid and adjust itself to perch on her shoulder with more squealing.

"Sorry you two, I didn't think they'd recognise me" The Doctor says with another giggle.

"You've been here before?" Yaz says, just as surprised as you were.

"Yes a while ago and with a different face, apparently they haven't noticed" she replies brightly.

One of the fluff balls jumps off The Doctors' lap and stands in front of her, pulling faces and making determined signals with their hands. 

You are utterly bewildered but The Doctor is watching intently. 

She nods in concern and the fluff ball grabs her hand and she follows, bent over slightly due to the height difference, lilac coat brushing against the ground. 

A tug on your own hand and you follow too, Yaz not far behind you as the sky turns a deep grey colour.

They lead you into a inconsequential village house and further into a basement, which you enter bent almost double.

The Doctor sits cross legged on the floor, and you join her, careful to leave some distance between you. 

Maybe ten follow you into the basement and you look at The Doctor perplexed. She shrugs and turns back to the leading fluffy creature.

"Doctor what's happening?" You mutter quietly, the mood having shifted from playful to fairly serious. 

"I don't know, they told me to follow them inside, wait a minute" she says, looking at the creature trying to get her attention again. More signing and The Doctor begins to sign back. 

You had gathered she could understand them, but had no idea she could speak their language. Again you are reminded of how impressive the time lady was, Yaz watching her expressions closely, noting the growing concern appearing. Finally The Doctor stops and turns to you. 

"Somethings definitely wrong here, somethings' changed since I was last here. For starters, they aren't allowed out after dark. I don't know who is enforcing this, but I'm going to find out" she whispers determinedly. You and Yaz nod your agreement.

These creatures were too pure to be harmed. You hear voices outside and the basement falls into a tense silence. The Doctor stands but a creature signs rapidly at her. She sighs and sits back down.

"Get comfortable, it looks like we're staying the night" she whispers before leaning back against a wall. 

You tuck yourself safely in a corner and close your eyes, but you cannot fall asleep here, you are too tense. 

Instead you watch Yazs' head topple gently until it is resting on the time lady's' shoulder. The Doctor looks confused and adjusts her lilac coat until it covers the human girl. 

It can't be comfortable but you have a feeling The Doctor will sit still all night so as not to disturb her companion. 

You smile and close your eyes.


	17. Record

You rise the next day and watch with amusement the awkward exchange between Yaz and The Doctor in realisation of how they spent the night. 

As you suspected, The Doctor hasn't moved from the position you left her in. You were allowed out the basement at first light, the fluffy creatures following you meekly, clearly still tense. 

You initially emerge onto the street and find nothing has changed, but a disturbance in front of you catches your attention. Kneeling in the middle of a street is a distraught creature, making a wailing noise that goes right through you. Several creatures lean in to embrace this particular fluffball, and there is a frantic exchange of signing. 

"Doctor what's wrong with it?" Yaz asks before you.

"Last night a child was taken" The Doctor answers in a disturbed voice. "Apparently it's a common occurrence" she adds with a stony face.

She asks around then leads you in the direction the fluffballs believe the child to have been taken in. You arrive shortly at a huge hall. The Doctor doesn't even knock. Hands on hips she approaches a tall man who sneers at her height and apparent weakness. His first mistake, you think. The Doctor is small, but she makes up for her size in stance alone.

"I want to talk to whoever is in charge" she says dangerously. The man sneers again and points her through a door. You follow. She bursts through, but the man at the desk doesn't even flinch at her approach. She marches over and rest her hands on his desk. Leaning over him.

"Last night you kidnapped a child. An innocent child who has done nothing for you. Apparently this is a regular occurrence. So help me you better have a good excuse" she threatens and you recoil slightly at her tone. She can be scary when she tries.

"They are profit" the man mutters unbothered, continuing with his work.

"Profit?" Repeats The Doctor with a scoff. "They are beautiful and unique creatures with the right to feel safe in their own homes!"

"Listen here lady, they are dumb, they can't speak. We simply collect them and ship them over the galaxy for good money. They have no use here, they are the ideal pet. Quiet and unable to speak. It's a good system and they agree to it anyway, now leave" he says finally breaking from his work.

"You sell them as pets? For a profit? Because they can't tell you no?" Repeats The Doctor menacingly and he nods absently. 

You feel your blood boil at how uncaring he could be. At that moment four men burst in behind you and you get the message. 

They escort you out, The Doctor struggling, but you just agreeing to leave so long as they don't touch you. You feel like a coward, but your fear of contact is all consuming. They tip you out onto the street then slam the doors, The Doctor hastily pulling her coat back in her shoulders. She looks thoughtful.

"What do we do, we can't just leave them!" You express and she nods in agreement.

"I have an idea" she says with a small smile and you frown, a little worried as she heads back to the main village. 

You admired The Doctor, and trusted her a lot, but her plans were known for being downright dangerous, and you couldn't risk that happening to these adorable creatures.

To your surprise, you find yourself an hour later, standing with Yaz in front of a camera, fluff balls swinging from your arms playfully.

"Ok are you two ready?" Asks The Doctor from behind the camera and you nod. She had refused to be on film herself, telling you that people knowing where she was could bring nothing good. Whatever that meant.

"Ok, action!" She says with a grin and Yaz starts, exactly as you rehearsed.

"Hello everyone! I believe you should recognise my little friends here, toys and servants I believe they are sold for, however you have been lied to." She says sternly, as a fluff ball crawls on her shoulder and squeals with joy. Her mouth twitches. 

"These are living creatures, with a unique habitat. They live in families, and it destroys them to see their children taken and sold for profit. So this is your call to make a change. A new campaign is starting as of today, a boycott of all purchases of these creatures, called free the fluff! We urge you to help and take notice, thank you." She finishes and the fluffballs all let out a chorus of squeaks and squeals.

You're not sure if they actually understood what she was saying, but they hopefully knew you were trying to help. 

The Doctor finished the recording and tells Yaz what a great job she did, which makes the human blush. 

Two fluffballs swoon and embrace to mock them and you burst out laughing. 

They squeal and jump at you in response to your enthusiasm, knocking you clean to the floor, where you lie, snorting as they hug you.

"Sorry (y/n), up you get" chuckles The Doctor, offering you a hand and pulling you to your feet, with four or five fluffs hanging onto you.

"I'm really sorry but we have to go now and post this to the universe!" You say and they turn to The Doctor who translates. 

They coo sadly and you give them one more squeeze before bending down and letting them release themselves.

"Goodbye fluffballs, I hope we helped" you say a little sadly, and all at once they lean forward in an unmistakable bow. 

You smile and follow the others back to the Tardis, hoping against hope that life will change for them from now on.


	18. Taken

TW: torture scene

You sit on the sloped deck just watching The Doctor at work, arms wrapped around your knees and leaning against a golden shard. 

You liked to watch her alone with The Tardis, it made you feel comfortable the way she spoke to the beautiful machine, and it was even funnier when the Tardis or her were sulking, like today.

"I don't care that you think I'm incompetent, I know what I'm doing and that's that!" The Doctor argues typing frantically on a keyboard. There is a loud thrum from the bowels of the ship that sounds remarkably like a scoff. 

You giggle as The time lady pouts and flicks a switch impatiently. 

"Oh stop sulking, we'd be done so much quicker if you just stopped fidgeting and let me get on with it" she complains, head bent low over the controls and rolling her eyes. Another slightly sly thrum and The Doctor straightens suddenly, a dull flush appearing across her cheeks, apparently avoiding your eyes.

"That's none of your business" she hisses, and you are intrigued as to what could bother The Doctor into this level of embarrassment and awkwardness.

"What did she say?" You ask, intrigued.

"Nothing nothing" mutters The Doctor impatiently, looking flustered.

She punches a button sulkily, and you feel the entire ship lurch alarmingly. You slide towards the back wall, colliding with it painfully, and look up to see The Doctor has tumbled to her knees and is scrambling to her feet.

"Doctor what's happening!" Yaz shouts above the deafening pulses emanating from the red flashes on the screen.

"Oh no oh no I took the shields down! Hold on (y/n) I'll sort it out, don't-" with that a blinding light surrounds you and you feel a dreadful weightlessness engulf your entire body, like gravity no longer exists. 

You eyes close against their will, and you feel cold unconsciousness engulf your body.

* * *

You open your eyes wide,blinking furiously to gain focus. You can no longer feel the warmth and subtle sounds of the Tardis, so you realise you must have moved. 

You lift your hand to rub your eyes,but find they are bound onto the arms of the metal chair you are sat on, and your ankles to the chair legs. You struggle for a second, before realising it is futile. You force yourself not to panic, and assess your situation. 

You are sure you've never been here before, as you believe you are in a large dark chamber, and because of the chill, somewhere deep underground. 

You are still processing when icy water is thrown over you from above, leaving you gasping and shivering in sopping wet clothes.

"I'm glad you awake, I want to get started" comes a cold voice from in front of you. It almost sounds bored. You squint and note a smallish man, probably human, with a bald head and bulging muscles. 

Fear as cold as the water dripping from your clothes plunges in your stomach.

"Sorry for the rough transport" he says quietly, raising the hairs on the back of your neck.  
"You see, I had to take my chance, it's not often he lets the shields down, and naturally I couldn't miss this perfect opportunity." 

You remain silent, shaking as he drags a metal pole into the middle of the room and it clicks into three legs. Unexpectedly he places an old video camera atop, adjusting it until you were perfectly in view. Dread washes over you in waves as the red light begins to glow.

"I need him to understand what is at stake if he refuses to come quietly, so I thought we could make a little video for him, to show that I'm serious? Mmm?" He asks politely, inclining his head to you. You decide he can only be talking about the Doctor, presumably under the impression she was still a man. He had a shock coming.

"He should be grateful, I got the idea from him after all. Clever, very clever staying out of frame, but I always know." He mutters to himself.

He turns to the camera and grins maliciously. "Hello Doctor, you don't know me but oh I certainly know you. I have a favour to ask. I need to appear at these exact coordinates 188-628-292-907 at 87V domino time according to the Hersha time zone. I understand you are wondering why, and I have a little persuasion should you feel the urge to decline." 

He steps out of the way, leaving you in full view of the camera. 

"This pretty little thing is, I believe, a friend of yours? If I'm not mistaken? Now I would really hate to spoil the surprise of what will happen to her if you fail to show, so instead I'll offer a sneak preview of what she will be enduring until you arrive as I ask, alone and unarmed." To your horror, he strides out of your eyeline, as you hear a sound of a metallic clunk. 

You scream in agony as white hot electricity burns through your soaked skin, the water conducting it so not part of you is untouched. Your body convulses as you scream and sob accordingly, feeling every lick of energy as it stabs you. 

Suddenly it stops, and you tip forward panting and shaking your head, fighting to remain conscious.

"Dear dear that looked unpleasant" he says right behind you, talking again to the camera.

"Time's ticking Doctor, I won't wait forever." He says sharply, finally losing the charade and grinning menacingly.  
"Anything you'd like to say before you go?" He asks you sweetly.

"Don't...don't come Doctor" you slur uncomprehendingly. "Not... not worth the risk...I'm not" you say before your head lolls back and your eyes shut. They open blearily after as you register the click of the camera, the red light no longer flashing.

"If you've ruined this for me, I swear I'll kill you" he hisses at you, and you sense him turn on his heel and seize the lever again. 

You brace but it does nothing to prepare you for the second round of agonising pain, barely hearing your own screams over the fight you are losing to stay alive. 

Consciousness is again retreating, and you thank the stars that The Doctor has not come, ignoring the selfish part of you that hoped she could save you one more time. Your eyes close and pain sends you into raging insentience.


	19. Saved

The first thing you hear is the most beautiful sound in the world. The whooshing and deep thrumming of the Tardis. 

If you could move you would want to watch it materialise as always, but your eyes are just too heavy. 

You hear the door creak open and sense someone step out in light footsteps and freeze.

"What have you done to her" The Doctor growls in a low and dangerous voice that somehow fills the room, echoing through your bones, making you shiver in fear.

"Where's The Doctor" he hisses back, and through the thin slits of your eyes you can make out his hand resting on the lever. You whimper quietly, and The Doctor breathes.

"I'm here, so let her go. Now. I'm not in a very good mood so I suggest you release her before I think of what I'm going to do with you." She says eerily calm. 

They are stuck in a standoff, glaring at each other, The Doctor not daring to approach you should he pull that lever again, him suspicious of who she really was. 

Then you hear the sound of hurried footsteps from above, and someone flying from down the corridor, bursting into the chamber, very out of breath, her blonde ponytail swinging behind her.

"I heard screams, Alistair what the hell is going on, I told you not to hurt him!"

"I didn't." He replies, not taking his eyes of The Doctor. "You also said to do whatever to get him-her here"

A little fuzzily, you see shock across the young woman's' face as she takes in your crumpled form.

"What the fuck" she growls, and, in one swift movement, spins and kicks the man over the head, knocking him clean out.

"Doctor I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for any of this to happen, who is this girl? Do you know her? Oh god is she ok?" With that she approaches you and begins to yank on your restraints. 

You flinch at the harsh movements, noticing The Doctor hasn't moved, apparently in shock. She shakes her head lightly and pulls out her sonic, pointing it at your restraints, which immediately slacken. 

Completely devoid of strength, you feel yourself tip forward, and two pairs of strong arms catch you before you hit the floor.

"(Y/n) can you hear me?" Says The Doctor urgently, and you nod slightly. Leaning heavily on her shoulder. 

"Come on I'll get you back in the Tardis" she says, arching to pick you up in her strong arms. You pull away, shaking your head to regain your vision. 

"(Y/n) please I promise I won't hurt you, but we need to get inside now, I need to check you over" she pleades but you shake your head instead.

"Need to... do something... first... let me walk" you say dizzily with your remaining strength.

The Doctor looks at you anxiously, but slowly releases her hold, and you attempt to straighten up. 

You walk shakily over to the crumpled form of your torturer and bend down, taking a deep breath, and whisper in his ear.

"The Doctor will never be alone, but she will always be unarmed. She is a thousand times the person you took her for, and I hope one day you feel grateful to have even met her." You straighten up and make your way onto the Tardis without looking back.

The Doctor and the woman follow you in, not talking. The time lady approaches you warily but you shake your head again.

"Please, just get me out of here" you whisper, and she complies, pain riddled across her face as she starts up the machine. 

You cling weakly to the golden shards, but you get the impression the Tardis is trying hard to make the journey as gentle as possible, sensing your rapidly depleting strength. 

The other blonde woman holds onto the same shard as you, shooting worried glances in your direction, then gasping as you slide to the ground, the last of your strength having left you for good, despite the Tardis' best efforts. 

She catches your head before it hits the ground, and you register unnatural heat as she shouts in panic over the thrumming of the engine.

"Doctor! She's out! Please help her!" She shouts desperately, and the last thing you see before your eyes close, is the Doctor looking at you in panic and running over to you, coat billowing out behind her.

* * *

You are getting heartily sick of waking in the medical wing, and sigh as you feel the tug of a needle stuck in your arm. You sit up carefully, and realise you are shaking still. 

Raised voices come from the corridor beyond the medbay door, but you can't make out what they're saying, however they seem to be arguing. 

Memories flood back in snapshots and you clutch your head to try and make them stop.

"Hey hey don't worry, you're safe now (y/n)" someone's voice breaks. 

Its The Doctor, apparently having noticed you wake with her heightened hearing and entered. 

She pulls up a chair and sits, elbows resting on her knees, face in her hands. She looks up after a minute, and you are shocked to see her eyes watering, and a pained expression lining her aged face.

"I don't understand" you whisper.  
She sighs, looking up at you with bloodshot eyes.

"This is all my fault, I'm so sorry (y/n), when I saw the tape, just know I would have traded places with you in a heartbeat. Well two." She grins weakly, trying to protect you from her own pain.

"Doctor I promise I don't blame you, it's not your fault. Please believe me. I don't even really remember what happened" you lie quickly, her expression tugging at your heart strings. She smiles again, trying desperately to reassure you, which you return with the same intentions.

"That, that will never happen again (y/n) I swear." Her tone changes fiercely. You recoil slightly and her face relaxes apologetically.

"Who was that man? And the woman? Did she-" you remember her holding you when you were on the Tardis and your breathing quickens. "Oh my god Doctor quickly! She's here! She was on the Tardis!" You exclaim, scrambling to get up, and finding your body aching with leftover pain. 

You wince as the time lady pushes you gently back down onto the bed.

"(Y/n) calm down! The man is gone, he'll never hurt you again, I promise. As for the woman, yes she is on board, but she had nothing to do with this." She says a little nervously. 

You look at her, confused as to how she could be so trusting to a woman who was an associate of your torturer.

"Are you-are you sure? How do you know? Doctor who is she?" You ask.

"Okay (y/n) don't panic, just relax. I know she had nothing to do with this, because I know her." She whispers, sounding guilty. You raise your eyebrows expectantly, waiting for more.

"You see, I know because, well because, she's my daughter."


	20. Related

TW: self harm 

You stare at her, dumbfounded, waiting for her to tell you she's joking, it's not real, she's not really associated with this woman. 

She sighs, recognising your inner turmoil.

"Ok just listen." She starts.

"Her name is Jenny. Many faces ago now, my DNA was replicated to form a genetic match, technically my child, but a futuristic and sped up process, it took minutes, and by the time I accepted her, she had died, taking a bullet for me. I stayed for hours but she didn't wake, so I moved on. She must have woken soon after, and I haven't seen her since. This was her attempt to reach out to me, but it all went horribly wrong and you got caught in the middle. I'm sorry (y/n), you didn't deserve any of this." She whispers the last part, finally breaking eye contact, and leaving you free to absorb this new information.

"Does Yaz know?" You blurt out.

"Um yes I think Jenny told her" she says, confused as to your line of questioning. You are relieved, worried this may cause a wedge between them. The Doctor looks at you questioningly, and you lie back.

"She wants to meet you" says The Doctor carefully. You sit upright and feel your heart rate pick up. With her hearing, the Doctor notices too.

"Okay maybe not the best of idea just yet, don't worry, I think she just wants to apologise" she responds.

"No, I'd like to meet her" you say determinedly. 

"Ok" the blonde says uncertainly, leaving your bedside and into the corridor. 

Moments later she comes back with the woman, who looks nervous and, to your surprise, very pretty, blonde ponytail swinging as she walks toward your bed. The Doctor looks between you nervously before opening her mout.

"Do you want me to stay?" She says you softly.

"No we'll be ok" you respond, not taking your eyes off Jenny, who smiles nervously. The Doctor scronches her face and nods, leaving, but she know she won't have gone far. 

You are propped up on you elbows, and you adjust yourself to avoid the awkwardness. In horror, you find Jennys' warm hands on your shoulder, probably just trying to help you, but you flinch in alarm. 

"I'm sorry I'm sorry! I was just trying to help."  
You shake your head, trying to regulate your breathing, and she visibly deflates.

"Really I'm sorry, about everything. This is all my fault, I should never have let this happen, I managed to hurt an innocent person while just trying to find my father-mother sorry, I'll have to get used to that" she grins sheepishly. 

You grin unexpectedly, realising this woman knows The Doctor from a long time ago.

"Tell me about him, what he used to be like, please?" You say.

She smiles. 

"Well you have probably seen just how wonderful she is, well it was just like that. We ran, with some of his other companions, I wonder what happened to them..." she frowns, then clears her face again. "Yes, we ran, so fast and so far and I never wanted it to end"

"But it did" you whisper. "You saved him"

"Yes, he waited but when I woke, he was gone. I've been searching ever since. I was getting desperate, and in a stupid move I recruited Alastair." She shivers, then looks up, tears in her eyes. "I'm so sorry (y/n)...I hope one day you can forgive me"

You stare at her, and begin to make the connections between her and The Doctor. 

Their undying compassion, admiration for bravery, and the constant weight of their mistakes on their shoulders.

"Already done" you whisper with a smile, and she looks up, her own face brightening. She really had a very pretty smile.

The Doctor clears her throat as she re-enters, warily looking between the two of you. 

You smile reassuringly, and her own face relaxes.

"I do have a couple of questions though" you say, the first to break the silence. Both look at you with the same expectant expression, and you can't help but laugh. Confusion crosses both their face and they exchange awkward smiles.

"Anyway, how come Jenny didn't die?" You ask.

"Actually that's a good question" says The Doctor, turning to her daughter. "I waited for signs of life, but there was nothing, did you-you didn't-regenerate did you?" She says in slight alarm.

"Calm down mum" she says softly. They both blink in surprise at her causal use of the word, and you feel like an intruder. 

"No I didn't regenerate, no gold light and no new face you see, I simply, came back. But I don't think I'm immortal. I have scars see", she continues, pulling back hair over her left ear to reveal a thin jagged scar running the length of her ear to neck. 

"Actually I get in trouble quite a lot, guess I must be your daughter then, I've got countless scars all over" she grins.

"Me too" you mutter so quietly you don't think either could have heard you. Looking up however, you see two faces turned to you, Jenny's in confusion, The Doctors' stern and unamused.

You avoid the latters eyes and turn instead to Jenny. 

"So you're not a time lady?" You ask, moving on quickly.

"Nope, I'm utterly unique" she says cheekily, and you smile.

The Doctor finally removes her eyes from your face, to look at her daughter. They look a little awkward together, but still comfortable in each others' presence.

"So when can I leave?" You ask a little impatiently, desperate to get back to your room and sleep for eternity, and forget the days' events.

"Soon" says The Doctor unsmilingly. You sigh and fall back onto your pillows closing your eyes in exhaustion. 

After a while of hushed conversation, they both rise and leave, chatting quietly about what, you didn't know, and didn't really care. 

Fully aware and conscious, the memories of a few hours before were beginning to creep into your head. 

You toss and turn trying to get comfortable, but limited by the line in your upper arm. 

Losing patience, you reach over and yank it out, gasping at the ripping pain. You internalise a cry and lay back on your bed, quickly realising you felt better. 

The thoughts had stopped for a while at least, mind too focused on the pain. You don't want to do it, but you know there is no use putting it off. 

You can do it now, or wait in discomfort for another few hours then do it. 

You swing your legs over he side of the bed and flick your bedside light on. It was too easy. 

A cabinet above you contained medical supplies. The lock wasn't a problem, you used the bloody needle from your arm, and with a rewarding click, it swings open. 

Waiting for you are blue packets, each containing a brand new scalpel. You grab a couple of packets, and hastily shut the cupboard, trying to get it to lock. You think it works. 

Sitting cross legged, you eagerly rip open a packet, and a shiny metal scalpel slides into your open hand. Brand new. 

You don't hesitate, the sharp pain making you feel at peace for the first time in over twenty four hours.


	21. Lake

You are careful to hide your new injuries from The Doctor the next morning when she comes to do her checks, and make a special effort not to flinch when she reaches to your face to shine a torch in your eyes. 

She doesn't look convinced, but you didn't expect her to be.

"How are you feeling?" She asks, watching you carefully.

"Fine" you lie. She sees through that too, sighing and shaking her head.

"I was going to take Jenny and Yaz to see a planet today, but I think you ought to stay behind and rest for now." She says

"Wait no but I'm fine!" You exclaim in horror at missing out on another planet.

"You were tortured" she says through her teeth, as though that settles it.

"I noticed" you say coldly.

You stare each other down, and eventually her face drops and she nods in defeat.

"Fine. But first sign of trouble, and I'll drag you right back here" she threatens. You keep your mouth shut and nod, ready to move on.

* * *

You won't lie. You are nervous to follow the others out onto the next planet some hours later after you had cleaned yourself up and put some fresh clothes on. 

The Doctor had told you it would be warm, but you sighed as you pulled on a long sleeve top as usual.

You were the last one out, and the heat instantly hit you like a wave. The Doctor had left her coat in the Tardis and was currently trying not to stare too hard at Yaz in her denim skirt and crop top. 

You smile at them, unable to believe they could both be so oblivious. For all her intelligence, The Doctor was ridiculously slow when it came to this particular area. Jenny also looks good, you noted in surprise. 

She wore denim shorts and a light beige jacket with a black bralet underneath. It suited her, and you turn away quickly. 

She turns to look at you, noticing your hesitance to leave the safety of the ship. She extends her hand to you in a friendly gesture, and you recoil, feeling your worst fears are being confirmed.

"Sorry yes I forgot, It's ok (y/n), neither me or The Doctor will let anything happen to you." You have no reason to trust her, but somehow you do, so you follow the group, closing the door behind you with a resounding creak.

You don't walk far before Jenny spins and looks at the group with a sly grin at the top of a ledge, water six feet below. 

To your horror she winks and falls backwards off the ledge, plunging into the water without a splash. In fact, the water absorbs her beneath the surface and she doesn't re-emerge. 

You and Yaz exchange panicked glances, but The Doctor only rolls her eyes and mutters.

"Show off"

"So they do have a few things in common then..." you whisper to Yaz, making her giggle. 

Of course The Doctor hears, and turns, pouting like a child, which only makes you laugh harder, but not nearly as hard as Yaz, the time lady watching her in awed wonder and soon they are both in peals of laughter.

"I am not a show off!" Exclaims The Doctor, fighting back a grin and trying to remain serious. 

This only makes Yaz snort harder, the time lady's face melting into a grin, until she grabs Yaz around the waist, and with a yelp, pulls her over the ledge and they are both absorbed. 

You are left looking over the ledge, your eyebrows coming down in a frown. It was apparent this substance wasn't water, so you had nothing to fear. It wasn't going to be like last time. You were safe. 

Yaz, Jenny and The Doctor were waiting at the bottom. With that, you take a step back, then sprint a few steps, flinging yourself far off the edge. 

You enjoy the sensation of falling, but feel no impact, you only know you've stopped falling because you've slowed right down. 

You open your eyes and panic instantly, realising you are several meters below the surface, you gasp, realising too late you shouldn't have opened your mouth, and wait for the burning sensation in your lungs to begin. 

Only it doesn't come. 

You open your eyes, and realise you cannot feel the water. Actually there is a visible 5cm barrier between you and the teal liquid. Another thing, you aren't drowning. You can breath. 

You grin in surprise, and catch sight of The Doctor swimming towards you, kicking her legs like a child, the iridescent bubble obviously outlining her form. 

Understanding, you begin to paddle as you would in water, and, despite the lack of resistance, find yourself moving. 

You giggle and find bubbles leave your protective shell. The Doctor grins at you, blonde hair surrounding her head like a halo as she treads water. Indicating the bottom of the lake, she shrugs and frowns.

You nod and follow her down, watching the light of her sonic lead the way. 

She is a powerful swimmer and travels quickly, you working hard to catch up. 

The teal is a more concentrated colour down here, but visibility is still strong. On the corner of your vision you see Yaz and Jenny turning neat somersaults in the water. 

The Doctor lands at bottom on the balls of her feet, and walks in slow motion across the lake bed, sonic outstretched in front of her. You land next to her, feeling the pressure is greater down here. 

You quite like the feeling, but can't help wonder how much air you have left. You wander further from The Doctor, and manage to trip over something round and heavy. 

Bending down and squinting carefully, you pick it up, nearly dropping it as you blanch, realising what you hold. 

Looking around in horrified silence, you realise just how many objects there are, all nearly identical in size and shape. 

Holding the object outstretched in front of you, you dolphin swim back to the Doctor and Jenny, not nearly fast enough. 

You shout her name but of course she can't hear you. 

Swallowing your fear, you tug at her coat, and press the human skull into her hand. Her eyes widen in horror and you hold your hands up, making the sign for tens and tens of them, hoping she gets the message, which, from her concentrated expression, she does. 

Jenny also looks horrified, and it's then that your realise Yaz is not with them. You point at yourself, then The Doctor, then Jenny and put up three fingers, shrugging as you raise the fourth. 

The Women looks around themselves perplexed, and you feel fear set it. The Doctor points at the skull, then the direction you came from determinedly. 

You nod and lead the way, running in slow motion across the river bed until you arrive at the disturbing scene. 

What you hadn't noticed the first time, was the faint silver glow rippling from patches of sea weed yielding purple fruits. 

You turn to The Doctor and Jenny but their faces are blank, arms beginning to outstretch towards the glow, stumbling slowly forward over the layer of human skulls.


	22. Drag

You are thrown into darkness as The Doctors' limp hand drops the sonic, where it bounces off a bone and clatters soundlessly to the ground. 

Frantically you wave your hand in front of their faces, but they barely even blink. 

Really panicking now, you sense movement ahead, and squint, finding Yaz tangled and unmoving, eyes eerily open, in a web of the glowing reeds. 

You want to run to her but you don't dare leave Jenny and The Doctor who are slowly but surely making their way towards a different patch of reeds in zombie like movements, faces entirely devoid of any emotion. 

It is clear the glowing water grass has put them into some fort of hypnosis, but you are clueless as to how to undo it. 

You remember how The Doctor unlocked your restraints with the sonic, and scoop it from the bed, grateful it is shiny and metallic so somewhat visible. 

You reach and seize it feeling for a button but fail to find one as you sprint slowly over to where Yaz lies, brown eyes staring unseeingly above her. 

Losing hope, you aim the sonic at the reeds and hope or the best. 

To your absolute surprise it lights up, and feel the dull vibrations ripple through the water as the restraining reeds begin to retreat from the woman's body. 

Without hesitation you grab her arm and tug with all your strength, ignoring the fear that clenches over your heart at the physical contact. 

With one last wrench she begins to float upwards. 

You believe she is breathing, but still in a state of the trance. You pull her painstakingly slowly to where you know the other two wait, but they've made progress. 

Fear chills your spine as you spot them nearing a patch of the silver plants, arms outstretched and faces dazed. 

You scramble over and pull them away, beginning to tug them to the surface, but the combined weight of all three of them is slowing you down, and you can just make out the plants beginning to unfurl and reach out towards you. 

Seizing energy reserves you didn't know you had, you paddle as hard as you can, dragging the dead weight behind you. 

All three faces all still devoid of expression, but it is The Doctors' blank hazel eyes that scare you the most. 

Usually so full of life, you imagine this is what undying grief would of to them. 

Like the grief of losing one of you. 

You know progress is being made as the deep teal colour turns to a lighter shade, and you begin to make out light reflections from the surface. 

You maintain the furious paddling, determined to put as much distance between you and those reeds as possible, but you are beginning to slow down from exhaustion. 

It is then that you feel someone's wrist twitch beneath your grasp. 

Taking a moment to look down, you feel you could cry in relief as The Doctor slowly shakes her head and takes in her surroundings, blinking dizzily. 

She looks up and you smile as reassuringly as you can with the sonic between your teeth. 

She looks puzzled but quickly understands, relieving you of Yaz and beginning to drag the human to the surface. 

They pass you and are soon ahead, the weight of just Jenny felling almost light to pull behind you. It is then that you feel a huge jerk, and your progress stops. 

You look down In alarm and watch as a particularly long reed wraps itself almost caressingly around her ankle. 

Unexpected anger floods you, and all you can think is "not her".

Using the hand that isn't clenched around her forearm, you retrieve the sonic from your mouth and point it determinedly at the reed, which instantly snaps and retreats in answer to the glowing yellow light. 

You grin triumphantly and continue your progress. 15 feet, 10 feet. 5 feet, 4,3,2,1 your face breaks the surface with a huge gasp, not that there was any shortage of air down there, and you hear someone thrashing around behind you. 

Jenny is gasping and blinking, rubbing her eyes with her free hand, as you begin to tow her to the nearby bank. 

You've ended up much further from the ledge you started off at. 

Finally your feet reach solid ground, and your muscles scream with the extra work of dragging her onto shore, where you both lie panting. 

Feet away, you take in The Doctor, but something is wrong. 

She is panicked and performing CPR on Yazs' lifeless form, and you feel as though ice has been thrown down your neck. 

Dry sobs come from the time lord as she tries desperately to revive the girl, with no response, finally placing her mouth over the humans' and slowly inflating her chest. 

It is then that Yazs' eyes fly open, and she rolls onto her side retching and shaking. 

Both you and an The Doctor breath out, giddy smiles on your faces, and the time lady hugs the human with a grip that tells you she will never let go. 

Exhausted, you close your eyes and lie back on the beach. Everyone is safe and everyone is alive. You saved them. Yaz, The Doctor... and Jenny. You smile.

* * *

Yaz repeatedly assures The Doctor she is fine, but The Doctor refuses to stop shooting worries glances in her direction. 

She takes special care to check Yaz over once you all make it back to the Tardis, then Jenny too. 

You refuse to let her check you, insisting you were fine. Eventually she gives up.

You stare into the distance as she scans you with her sonic and mutters some medical terms under her breath.

"(Y/n) are you listening to me?" She says, pulling you from your spiralling chain of thought. You nod and she sighs.

"Thank you (y/n), for getting us out of there." She says sincerely, and you blink in surprise. Of course.  
"I know that must have been very difficult for you, and I dread to think what would have happened if you hadn't have saved us." You shrug, avoiding her eyes.

"(Y/n) is there something wrong?" She asks mildly. You shake your head then pause, changing your mind.

"It didn't affect me" you whisper.

"No" says The Doctor in surprise.

"Why?" You say, dreading the answer.

"I really don't know" she says gently, "maybe your mind just works differently"

"You mean I'm broken" you says, head dropping further.

"No, that's not what I mean at all" she says sensing your despair. "I believe you were stronger than us, (y/n)? I really do" 

You want to believe her, you do, but you can't help but feel she is in denial of just how fucked up you were.


	23. Broken

TW: self harm.

You stand staring at your reflection, reworking the scalpel round and round in your hand, trying to hold back the onslaught of thoughts that threaten to overflow. 

You sigh and lift your wrist, examining the healing stitches.   
Maybe... maybe just one cut? 

You allow yourself this and exhale in relief, already feeling the affects. But this was necessary. The Doctor didn't lie to you exactly, but you knew she wasn't telling the whole truth. 

The reason you weren't put in a trance like the other three, was because your mind was too damaged. Too fragile. Too broken. You sob at this realisation, and allow yourself to think back to your childhood days. 

All those times you took the heavy blows for your sister, every bruise, every scar, every broken bone. You hadn't realised it at the time, but Jay had truly broken you. 

The cyber men couldn't control your brain, because there wasn't enough stability there to control. The slightest emotion and you had been free. 

You had been pleased at the time. 

Things could enter your mind externally, but couldn't shut the door behind them. 

And to think, for a moment, a beautiful and prolonged moment, you believed you could have recovered. 

Travelling with The Doctor has helped. It had made you believe that maybe there was more to life, that you could live as a normal person, enjoy life and pain and love... but no.

Rage courses through your veins at how little of you was left whole. Who would ever want anyone as broken as you. 

Despite how many times she had shown she she cared, you flinched always when the time lady touched you. 

Self loathing makes you cut deeper, and you drop to your knees in anguish, clutching your arm. Dizziness sweeps through you but you refuse to stop. Not yet. You've barely made a dent. You needed to be reminded physically that you weren't normal, and couldn't ever have normal things. A life beyond your miserable shell was impossible. You couldn't ever inflict that onto anyone. Especially not Jenny. 

The name pops into your head unexpectedly and you feel an unnatural warmth similar to her body heat brush over the cold chills. 

You cut again and the warmth disappears, replaced with pain and blood, as you lean back on the bath, breathing through your mouth. You couldn't stand the smell of all this blood. 

A knock at your bedroom door has your eyes flying open in panic, but you cannot call out a denial to enter in your state, let alone lock the door. You hear the door swing inwards and someone enters your room with light footsteps and stops at your bathroom door. 

By now you have slumped sideways, and are bleeding out quickly. If they could just wait a little longer, it would all be fine... maybe two minutes would do it, you think sleepily, tears rolling down your cheeks.

More knocks at your bathroom door and someone calls a little awkwardly;

"(Y/n) I'm sorry but you wouldn't answer the door, I've made some food in the kitchen if you were hungry..?" She trails off sounding nervous, but it makes her gentle voice sound of possible even sweeter than usual. 

You could listen to Jenny talk until you died. So that's what you plan to do. She says something else, knocking a little louder, but of course only silence responds. Your breathing is slowing and you just wish she would keep talking. About what, you really didn't care.

"(Y/n) is everything ok in there? Do you need The Doctor?" She says urgently, then, to your horror, the door swings inwards. You had forgotten to lock it. Stupid stupid stupid-

"DOCTOR! PLEASE COME QUICK" she shrieks over her shoulder, dropping to her knees and gripping you tightly, stroking your face while whispering under her breath.

"No no please (y/n) you're going to be fine I promise, oh my god why's there so much blood? DOCTOR" she calls again in alarm, and you hear someone run into the bathroom and gasp. You can't move, eyes glued shut against the world, so you don't respond to either of them.

"No!" That's The Doctor, kneeling down next to you and feeling desperately for a pulse.

"Put pressure on her arm, here wrap it in this." Something like a towel is pressed against your injured arm and you screw up your face with the fresh pain.

"This can't be happening, right I've got a pulse but it's weak, how long has she been like this?" Asks The Doctor in one breath.

"I don't know oh god Doctor do something please! Don't let her die! Please" Jenny sobs, and the pain of your heart breaking at her anguish dulls the insignificant burning of your wrist.

"We need to move her, come on" says The Doctor, rising off the floor "can you carry her?" Unable to make a sound, Jenny nods, and with upmost care, she lifts you gently into her arms with time lord levels of strength. 

She cradles you softly, whispering comforts that you don't catch as she speeds along behind The Doctor, presumably to the medical wing. She sets you down gently and goes to withdraw but you cling to her with your remaining strength.

"Ok stay with her" sighs The Doctor, tearing open plastic packets of equipment after pressing a cold stethoscope to your heart.

"I'm not going anywhere" the you feel woman whisper and you relax your grip slightly.

"And neither are you" you catch as you drift into oblivion.


	24. Deal

You don't feel you've been out for very long, and like deja vu, when you do wake, you can hear people talking again in low and urgent voices. 

They aren't in the room, but somewhere out in the corridor. 

You strain to listen.

"I don't understand, how could she do that to herself?" Someone sounds upset, probably Yaz.

"Doctor what do we do? How do we help her?" Someone slightly panicked, Jenny then?

"I don't know. I really thought she was getting better..." The Doctor trails off helplessly.

"How did she even get the scalpel?" Asks Yaz quietly after some silence.

"She must have taken it from the store cupboard. Maybe picked the lock. She can be crafty when she wants to be. They warned me when I visited her in the ward that she could usually achieve what she wanted, when she wanted" no response. 

Not you, Yaz or Jenny know what to make of that. You didn't realise they had told The Doctor half this stuff.

"We have to keep a closer eye on her, I won't let her out of my sight from now on." Jenny suddenly bursts out almost angrily.

"I don't think that will work" responds The Doctor thoughtfully "I was more thinking therapy..." you don't hear what she says after that, beginning to silently hyperventilate. 

They were going to send you back. Back to the ward, where you spent five years confined with someone watching your every move and a total lack of independence.

You slide off the bed soundlessly, and pad quietly to the door. 

It is ajar, and you lean your head round, desperate to escape. To your relief they are quite far down, and if you were quick the surely wouldn't notice you leave. 

Pulling your dressing gown around you, you slip out the door and sprint round a corner, wheezing and catching your breath, head fuzzy already. 

You were half expecting shouts to follow you but you've been lucky. You plan to leave the Tardis and escape first chance you get, and if you're right it should be right round this corner-nope. 

You are met with a wall. 

You frown and turn, pulling off into a corresponding corridor and finding it blocked again. Frustrated you take three lefts, knowing one should take you into the console. 

Another wall. 

"For gods sake I know what you're doing" you whisper shout at The Tardis who thrums sympathetically but doesn't let you out.

"Please I need to leave, they're going to send me back" you say, voice breaking. 

You feel the wall beneath your hands warm up, but you're not in the mood for pity. It is then that you begin to hear them.

"(Y/n)? (Y/N)! Where are you?" It's Jenny and you force yourself to run in the opposite direction of her voice. 

It hurts much more than you would expect. 

You run full tilt the length of the corridor until you meet another dead end.

"NO!" You shriek then cover your mouth, releasing too late you shouldn't have given away your position.

"LET ME OUT! LET ME THROUGH RIGHT NOW! You cant do this to me!" You sob, back sliding down the wall. 

Unexpectedly a door opens just behind you, and you don't hesitate to fling yourself through. 

It takes you a minute to recognise where you are, and when you do an unnatural calm settles over you. 

You are back in the library where The Doctor told you about her past. 

Your breathing has slowed but you are mentally and physically exhausted. 

You spot a comfortable maroon couch that definitely wasn't here before hidden between two shelves. Sighing, you shake your head at the Tardis but she's right, you should really rest after all that exertion. 

You curl up and close your eyes, denying yourself the thought that this was how you were spending your last precious few hours on the Tardis.

* * *

"Is this really necessary?" Someone whispers from far away.

"We can't let her go again Jenny, it's more serious than you would think." Someone else mutters, and you are aware that you are swaying slightly.

"So where was she?"

"The library of course, I think it calms her, she likes all the books." 

You would have agreed if you weren't A-semiconscious B-unable to form words and C-being carried by The Doctor... your eyes fly open and you don't hesitate to try and break free.

"Doctor!" Jenny shouts in alarm, but The Doctor is sure in her grip of you, and besides, your hands and ankles are tied together with zip ties. You try to scream but your mouth is gagged. 

It doesn't stop the feral snarl escaping from your throat.

"I'm sorry (y/n) I'm so sorry but it's necessary." Apologises The Doctor carefully. 

You stay still long enough to see you are being carried steadily down a Tardis corridor and that you are once again in The Doctors' strong and capable arms. 

You struggle again but the time lady barely moves, only adjusting you slightly, continuing in her steady progress. 

You try a different tack, suddenly convulsing then falling limp.

"Oh my god Doctor is she ok?" Breathes Jenny.

"She's fine" replies The Doctor curtly and you open your eyes to roll them at her. 

There's just no fooling a time lady. 

She grins at you with raised eyebrows, clearly telling you nice try. 

You scowl but don't bother struggling anymore. You truly give up, ready to succumb to your fate. Jenny holds open the medbay door and The Doctor carries you methodically in then gently lays you on the floor. 

She points her sonic at the sets of zip ties and they break easily. 

You free your hands and yank out the gag, watching Jenny locks the door behind her as she exits. You freeze.

"Calm down (y/n) you're safe now". It's your turn to raise your eyebrows at her and she smiles wearily.

"I'm sorry but if you will run off when you're seriously ill and scare the living daylights out of us, certain measures must be taken." She pauses, taking in your kneeling form.

"Now, are you ok?" She says more softly.

"You can't send me back" you growl, sharper than intended. The Doctor looks surprised.

"Back where?" she seems genuinely puzzled.

"To the ward, I heard you talking, you want me to go back there and get therapy" you say quietly.

"No (y/n), that's not what I meant at all. "I meant therapy with me, but we have to make a deal. If you will try therapy with me, and agree to try hard at recovering your mental health, you may stay. If however, you become too much of a danger to yourself, I will have no choice but to return you to the safety and watchful eye of the ward. Deal?"

You hesitate, but really there is only one choice.

"Deal".


	25. Hiding

Three days later you are standing in a new room of the Tardis filled with comfy sofas and calming imagery on the walls. 

You pace backwards and forwards, trying to relax your shoulders as you've been told.

"Are you ready to try again?" Offers The Doctor, leaning nonchalantly against a cream wall. You stop and turn to face her, then nod.

"Ok, when you're ready I want you to approach me. I will not move, and I will not react. Just reach out and hold my hand." She says calmly. 

The very thought has your heart racing but you swallow and breathe. Slowly, in shuffling steps you approach the time lady. She stands like a statue, completely in control of her muscles, eyes staring straight ahead with a measured expression. 

You take another step and another, getting closer and closer, your breathing becoming sharper and sharper. 

You stop in front of her, convinced she will lunge at you any second. Of course, she doesn't, and you force yourself to reach out your hand until it is just inches from hers. 

She is holding her own breath now and you close your eyes. 

You reach a little further, until your index finger brushes lightly against her hand, chills emanating from that very spot. At that exact moment you hear a knock from the door. 

You have crossed the room away from The Doctor before either of you have opened your eyes. She opens her bright eyes in concern and confusion, and steps in your direction. That does it. 

You fall against the wall, hands clasped over your ears and try to drown out the racing of your heart. Your breathing is beyond erratic, and you feel your chest burn with the effort.

"(Y/n) I need you to focus on my voice for me, you're having a panic attack but you're ok, you're safe, I promise, breathe with me" says The Doctor calmly, and you begin to follow her breaths with your eyes still squeezed tightly shut. 

Finally you feel your heart begin to slow, and you unclench your hands from your hair, looking up to meet The Doctors' gentle eyes. 

She raises her eyebrows in question and you nod that you will be alright. She smiles genuinely then looks over her shoulder. It's Yaz at the door (you hope she hasn't been here long) with a huge smile on her face looking extremely excited about something. 

The Doctor questions her but Yaz simply says.

"There's someone at the door for you" then disappears to the console.

Standing up, you follow The Doctor interestedly into the main console. Nothing seems out of place except two men stood smiling. One younger with dark skin and a full grin, and one older with greying hair and a warmer smile. The Doctor stops when she sees them, then runs full tilt to embrace them with a distinct cry of "my fam!", And it clicks, Yaz had told you about Ryan and Graham before and why they left, but somehow they're back. 

They hug her back and you stay in the shadows not wanting to ruin the moment. 

The presence of two men near you in a confined space is making you uncomfortable, and you hope they don't notice you.

"I've missed you both so much! I've got so much to tell you but how are you, actually wait first question how longs it been? No actually are we in Sheffield then? How did we get her? Did I land her here? Did we-"

"You haven't changed much have you" snorts the younger man, probably Ryan from the way Yaz had described his cheeky nature. The Doctor pouts in response and everyone laughs at her. She grins again and glances at Jenny.

"Graham, Ryan, this is Jenny" says The Doctor proudly

"Hiya nice to meet you, how do you know my mum?" She asks politely.

Both freeze and turn to The Doctor

"Mum?!" Graham exclaims.

"Ah yes sorry long story, this is my daughter Jenny" says The Doctor dismissively.

"Absolutely barking, Nothing changes" mutters Graham as Yaz hugs him tightly. "I've missed you too my dear" he says kindly and she smiles. You consider retreating and begin to back off to an available corridor on your right when someone bounces up behind you, scaring the shit out of you. 

"Hi I don't think we've met, what's your name" you whip round to find Ryan mere feet away from you, and feel your heart drop.

"No wait Ryan don't-!" Yells The Doctor urgently but you have run too far and too fast to hear the rest. 

Blind panic engulfs you as you run, and you don't stop. 

You fly down corridor after corridor, convinced you are being chased, that he wanted to hurt you, that he would be waiting for you if you turned back. 

Your thoughts move even faster than your legs, and The Tardis clearly understands your urgency for she opens up door after door for you, probably knowing full well you weren't stopping, and if she didn't, you would inevitably run flat into a wall and potentially hurt yourself. 

Your heart is pounding and you feel your pace slowing, until eventually you can run no more. You rest your hands on your knees, coughing and wheezing, tears threatening to overflow down your cheeks. 

A sympathetic rumble comes from beneath your feet and you nod to tell her you're ok. 

Knowingly, she opens up a door to your left and you smile knowing what you will find. 

Sure enough you are back in the library, surrounded by the books you so loved to observe. One particular book bound in red leather catches your eye as it falls 12 feet off its shelf and lands in front of you, making you jump. It has parted dead down the centre and you step towards it for a better look, what you don't expect is the ghostly grey mist rising from the pages. 

Sensing danger you turn to run, when suddenly you feel too weak. The mist surrounds you and you feel a strange pulsing in your head.

Find the heart of The Tardis it whispers inside your head and you comply, your own thoughts wiped entirely clean.

Setting off out the library, following some strange sixth sense and the feel of the ships' energy. You are powerful and controlled. You are unstoppable.


	26. Heart

You walk purposefully along a corridor unstoppingly even when you begin to hear people calling your name. 

You ignore them, they are insignificant to your task. 

"(Y/n)! Oh I'm so glad I found you! The Doctor is just down here, it's ok I won't touch you just come with me" someone says breathlessly behind you. 

The panic at not knowing exactly how far they are is overshadowed by your goal. To pour the Tardis' energy into the book and release your people. This vessel will have to do. 

"Doctor I've found her!" Calls the girl again, and you smile ominously as you hear the time lord approach.

"(Y/n) it's ok they're gone just come with me" she says calmly.

"No" your mouth forms, not yet turning to face them. Whatever is using your voice, it isn't you.

"(Y/n) please I won't let anyone hurt you"

You turn slowly to face them and watch both their faces drop.

"Doctor, her eyes, they're red..." whispers Jenny and you laugh coldly.

"Well observed" the pilot of your body hisses.

"(Y/n) can you hear me" says The Doctor quietly, eyes trained on your face.

"Don't bother she can't hear you." You find your mouth saying, as you try desperately to separate yourself. 

But you can hear hear her! You can, you can... "I can" you yell startling the pilot.

"Doctor...please..." you manage to say before the pilot takes back over.

"She is mine now, but I will not hesitate to destroy her and everyone who stands in my way should anyone refuse my orders" the pilot says, furious that you managed to get some words out.

"Who are you. Not (y/n). You, using her body" asks The Doctor.

"I am omniscient and omnipotent" the pilot replies with your mouth and you listen quietly.

"But she can hear us" says The Doctor.

"She's semi-aware of you're presence, yes" agrees the pilot unbothered "but she is also weak" it adds. "Her body as a vessel for my needs is necessary, but rather unpleasant. Dear dear the things inside this ones head..." they mock and you freeze from your cell inside your own head.

"She certainly doesn't value her own life, so I doubted she would mind me borrowing her body then helpfully disposing of it for her, don't you think?"

"(Y/n) I know you can hear me, you need to listen to me carefully. While you may not care about what happens to you, plenty of people do. He can't remain in your head while it is a place of sanctuary. You need to believe me, and see the value in your life"

A single tear rolls down your cheek and the pilot swipes it off and stares at as if in confusion.

"What is this liquid?" They ask perplexed.

"Tears" replies The Doctor quietly. "She's fighting back"

You focus all your energy on searching for a happy memory, but are distracted by the arrival of Yaz. In sheer bad luck, she has come from a corridor behind you. In one movement you lash out an arm and pull her into your body, arm securely holding her neck to your chest.

"I swear I will kill her" the pilot hisses and Yaz whimpers. You try desperately to release your arm but it is beyond your control. "All I need is you to take me to the Tardis' energy source, and I'll release the girl."

"And (y/n)? What about (y/n)" says Jenny desperately, but your mouth only smiles for you.

"Ok calm down" says The Doctor in a voice of forced calm. Yaz cries again as your arm strengthens its grip on her throat.

The Doctor begins to panic as Yazs' face slowly whitens.

"(Y/n) I need you to listen to me, right now. A happy memory, a happy thought, anything good at all. He can't touch you while your mind is focusing on something pure and beautiful it would be agony, because he is so full of malicious intent. (Y/n) please" she begs in panic and you close your eyes for you both and think hard... a happy thought? 

The Doctor! Yes travelling with The Doctor, no you ruined that and betrayed her trust with your pathetic mental health. There had to be something, pure and beautiful and whole. A memory or a person.

"(Y/n) please" someone else whispers and it clicks. Jenny. Pure, brave and compassionate Jenny. 

You flood your mind with the image of her extending her hand to you, helping you out The Tardis at the lake. Yes. 

You feel your grip on Yaz slacken and The Doctor rushes forward to catch her into the safety of her arms. 

She is gasping but alive and The Doctor lowers her to the ground in an intense hug. Jenny kneels down time help and The Doctor rises, facing you.

"That's two of my friends you've hurt." She says coldly.

"All I want is energy form the Tardis core and nobody else has to get hurt" he is calm but you feel his panic. 

You make your face smile and both him and The Doctor look surprised. 

"She's too strong for you" observes The Doctor with a growing smile. "You chose her because you thought she was weak. What you failed to realise was she wasn't weak. She is bruised from survival. And stronger than any of us standing here. So (y/n), when you're ready, I say you take back your mind." 

With that you are thrown to your knees and you feel a sense of withdrawal from your head. You clamp your hands over your temples and scream in pain as the pilot leaves your body with the sensation of poison being sucked from a wound. 

With a zap of her sonic the grey mist changes direction and she leads it back down into the book in her hands, snapping it shut when the last of the grey fog had been absorbed. 

She breathes out and looks down at you, Running worriedly you your side. You wince and shake your head.

"Yaz?" You manage to say.

"She's fine (y/n), look she's right here" soothes The Doctor and you look up into Yazs' calmed eyes.

"I'm so sorry Yaz I didn't mean to hurt you, and you Doctor, the book, I tried to get away but it followed me" you say in a tangle, tears pouring down your cheeks. 

It is then that Jenny strides forward and wraps her arms around you. You flinch in alarm but she holds you securely and safely, and for the first time in what feels like several years, you relax into the arms of another person.


	27. Truth

Yaz and The Doctor forgave you easily, but you found it harder to forgive yourself. 

Jenny was a comfort, even just a smile in your direction warmed you unexpectedly.

Ryan was very apologetic for scaring you and Graham sympathetic for your ordeal that had followed, and you expressed your gratitude whilst keeping a firm distance. 

The Doctor had returned the book to its shelf, bound in blue magnetic straps that were impossible to break from, and although the danger was clearly gone, made frequent excuses to check up on Yaz, which always made you smile. 

You really wish one of them would make a move, but they were just as nervous as each other. It was really quite sweet to watch. 

Ryan and Graham agree to stay the night in their old rooms, and late into the evening you find all six of you gathered round a table playing truth or dare with an old pack of cards. 

You downed your alcohol gratefully, but kept to a reasonable amount. No reason to raise suspicion. 

Jenny is one side and The Doctor the other, and you   
feel mostly comfortable despite the close contact. So long as no one is touching you. 

Across the table you spot Graham and Ryan muttering something and then they catch your eye grinning. 

They raise their eyebrows at Yaz and The Doctor who are giggling madly about something the rest of you had missed. 

You got the sense their growing closeness had been obvious from a long time ago. 

The boys shake their heads and Ryan mouths at you they're still not together? You snort and take a drink to cover it up and he rolls his eyes. It's So obvious you mouth back and he laughs too. 

"Hey what are we laughing about?" Asks Yaz and frowns when the four of you burst into more laughter at the two women's' faces.

"Nothing you don't already know about..." you say slyly and Jenny snorts next to you. The boys gasping at your choice of words. 

Choosing to move on The Doctor turns to Jenny  
"Ok let's find out if you really are my daughter" she laughs "truth or dare?"

Jenny thinks then cautiously says "truth"

"Ok... whats the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to you?" She asks.

Jenny flushes and you find the colour is very endearing.

"Well I have to set the scene. You see I was in a gay bar in the rocky-noroa peninsula playing cards with an ood when I was strip searched for weapons by the bouncer who happened to be a sontaron. Thing is, he didn't find any weapons, but I had been-Er-busy with a girl a couple of hours before and wasn't um, wearing a great deal to start with. Anyway turns out I had switched-clothing-with this girl, which was, well several sizes too small-" she had to stop there because the rest of the table had erupted into fresh waves of laughter as she say glowing brilliantly.

"Brilliant" breathes The Doctor

"Ok your turn" shoots back Jenny, "best kiss?" She asks innocently. Yaz is suddenly listening very intently you notice, but The Doctor grins slyly. "Are we including non-human life forms or..?" She says and you gasp in shock

"You didn't" you respond. She only laughs at you and you can't help but giggle too. You can well imagine The Doctor not really having standards.

"Ok (y/n), truth or dare?" Asks Yaz impatiently.

"Dare" you answer. Always dare.

"Ah come on you always choose dare" whines Ryan and The Doctor shoots him a look that enrages you unnecessarily. 

You weren't fragile. They wanted to hear it, then fine, they asked for it.

"Fine, truth" you mutter.

"Ok," says Ryan thinking hard, ignoring The Doctor.  
"Biggest regret?" He asks suddenly and you have to think hard. There are a few. Not ending it properly when you had the chance, not saving your sister but selfishly choosing your own life over hers. Allowing yourself to be abused for years and never protecting Abi nearly enough. Not being able to save your own mother when Jay knocked her senseless for the last time, Wasting years in the ward waiting uselessly for your mental health to recover. The list goes on. 

You look up and see everyone looking at you and expectantly. Well everyone except Jenny who is frowning sympathetically, and The Doctor who is openly glaring warningly at you. You roll your eyes and stick to simplicity. 

"Not learning from my mistakes" you mutter without expression. There, let them take from that what they will. 

The table is silent until Ryan clears his throat and continues with the game. 

You try to enjoy it, but always pick dare from then on. No one challenges you. You sit quietly, trying to fight off the dark thoughts that threaten to overshadow you. 

You are slipping, until on your left Jenny slips her hand wordlessly into yours and squeezes. You don't even try to get away.

"Ok Jenny truth or dare?" Asks Graham sincerely.

"Dare" she replies, gripping your hand tighter.

"I dare you to stay" says The Doctor, and everyone falls silent, you holding your breath in one gulp. 

You knew what you wanted, if she would just agree. You know nothing could ever happen, there are a thousand reasons why not, but if she would just stay... Well, just so long as you got to see her still.

"I thought you'd never ask" she grins at The Doctor, mother and daughter staring into each others' eyes with growing smiles.

They really were very alike.

You think you liked where this new turn in your life was headed.


	28. Author’s note

Hiya everyone thank you so much for taking the time to read this story, and I hope you enjoyed it, these works are also on Wattpad if you prefer to read them there.

I've got plenty more ideas so will be coming back with at least one more novella, but please let me know anything you would really like to see come up!

The next novella will contain some new and old faces -literally- so look out for that one when it comes around!

As usual, any and all comments and criticism are welcome, they make me a better writer, and I would love to incorporate some of your amazing ideas into (y/n)'s story. However, hate speech and slurs will not be prohibited.

Lastly I would just like to say that I really enjoyed writing this novella, as it helped me work through some issues I've been facing recently. To put it in someone else's perspective, you can begin to rationalise your decisions. 

For this reason, I would really recommend taking up writing if you have any passion in that area. It gave me focus and structure (usually writing a chapter every two days) while in Lockdown, which really improved my mental health. 

Of course, I reiterate, I do no own any of these characters, all rights reserved to the BBC.

Goodbye for now, see you soon!


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